Recognise that the responsibility for children’s behaviour rests with adults, not children.
Children behave as they do for many reasons including problems at home or in the community, bullying or teasing at home or at school, or learning difficulties or disabilities we may not know about.
The most important thing we can do as an alternative to hitting children is to look at why we react to children’s misbehaviour the way we do and try to adjust our own behaviour. We must also try to understand why our children or students behave as they do and stop misbehaviour before it starts.
There are some simple ways to begin to make a change even in large families or classrooms. Try them and tell us how they work:
Example: A parent or teacher gets angry because a child constantly questions them and they see the questions as rude or a challenge to their authority/knowledge.
Alternative: Curiosity is natural and healthy in children. Save a short period of the day for a “question period”. If children ask questions at a bad time tell them you will answer them during question period. They will soon learn to wait. Involving the child or class in answering their own questions will avoid disruptions at other times and provide children with a deeper learning experience.
Example: Often the same children are punished over and over again. These are the children we think of as “bad” children who can never change.
Alternative: Think instead about what the child is trying to achieve by misbehaving. In many cases the child is bored or looking for attention or power. Instead of lashing out, give the child a “special” role in the home or classroom like handing out or collecting lessons, helping to prepare the classroom for the after-lunch session, helping with baking and so on.
This extra time with the child makes him/her feel special and provides you with an opportunity to talk privately with the child to find out what the problem might be without adding more time to your day.
MYTH: Today’s children do not behave as well as children did in the past.
FACT: The same complaints we make about our children today have been made by parents and teachers in previous generations. The following statement was made by Socrates, a philosopher who lived from 469 – 399 BC:
“Children now love luxury, they have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in the place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs and tyrannise over their teachers.”
