Discipline vs. Punishment
Punishment
The literal meaning of punishment is “to cause to undergo pain”. Dictionary definitions include “rough handling or mistreatment”, “suffering pain or loss that serves as retribution” and “severe, rough or disastrous treatment”.
Effect of Punishment
Punishment makes children angry, resentful, and fearful. It makes it more likely that the child will be violent both in childhood and adulthood. It also causes the child to feel shame, guilt, anxiety, a lack of independence, and a lack of caring for others. All of this means greater problems for teachers, caregivers, and other children.
Discipline
Discipline is concerned with teaching children what to do as an alternative to misbehaving. Discipline does not assume that a child who behaves badly is a bad child. It assumes that the child doesn’t know any other way to accomplish what he seeks to accomplish.
Effect of Discipline
The ultimate goal of discipline is for children to understand their own behaviour, take initiative, be responsible for their choices, and respect themselves and others. In other words, they learn positive ways of thinking and behaving that can last a lifetime.
Practicing Positive Discipline
Tell children what they should do instead of the misbehaviour rather than only telling them what not to do. Parents and teachers tend to focus on pointing out mistakes. Instead we can reward positive efforts and good behaviour even if it is just by praising the child.
Have children make amends when their behaviour hurts someone else. For example if they break someone’s toy have they should replace it with one of their own. Only expect from a child what they are capable of. All children have different abilities and needs and come from different circumstances. All of this affects what a child can do. Use mistakes as learning opportunities instead of forcing children to obey rules they don’t understand just because you said so.
Direct your comments and actions at the child’s behaviour rather than at the child. For example instead of saying “you are bad” say “if you hit your sister you will hurt her”.
“If we really want a peaceful and compassionate world, we need to build communities of trust where all children are respected, where home and school are safe places to be and where discipline is taught by example. May God give us grace to love our children as He loves them and may their trust in us lead them to trust in Him.” Emeritus Archbishop Desmond Tutu
