Breaking-up always seem to be difficult and sometimes, or should we say many times, it becomes nasty with both parties trying their utmost to hurt each other. This is even though sometimes the man and woman say they have drifted apart and it is better they part ways and remain ‘friends.’ The truth be told it is still not that easy.
Both parties still hurt and we are sure from time to time think about ‘what could have been if…’ and they would come up with the various scenarios, especially if the relationship was a few years old.
But we have concluded – and not surprisingly many persons agreed with us, both men and women – that women always seem to take break-ups harder than men. After all, it is the woman who cries and cries, and it is the woman who hides herself away at home while the man is seen out appearing to have fun. Many women stop taking care of themselves and would have – as we would say – ‘anyhow’ hair un-groomed, with their mode of dress shouting loud and clear, ‘I don’t give a damn how I look.’ It is the woman who has her girlfriend(s) or whomever they think is close to them on the phone for hours as they talk about that man who may have walked out on them.
So we decided to do a small survey among both men and women of all ages. The question we asked was, ‘Why do women seem to take break-ups harder than men?’
Here are some of the answers we received from women:
“I guess they are more sensitive; besides men tend to keep those kinds of feeling hidden, trying to appear macho… speaking from experience.”
“I guess because we are more emotionally attached than men, and because they do not care a s..t.”
“Because they are more emotionally involved.”
“Because we are by nature emotionally weak beings.”
“In my opinion that is because women tend to show their emotions more than men. Women I think also tend to get over it faster and move on with their life as well.
“Women invest more emotionally in relationships and perhaps unintentionally they neglect other close friendships while pursing that particular one, so when it crumbles the woman’s world as far as she knows it also crumbles. Since masculinity is something I am currently studying, I have come to understand that men are pressured into believing it is not male to show emotions. It is this kind of social conditioning that men have which contributes to their supposed strong sense of self after a break-up.”
Here are the answers from men:
“Women are more emotional creatures. They invest emotionally in relationships. Men hardly do. When the break-up occurs the man looks for another woman to fulfil his needs. The woman is then constantly trying to collect on her investment or to have it returned… ”
“I think men are afraid of feeling vulnerable and afraid of displaying emotions, and because of this tend to have less strong emotional attachments than women, even though they may claim to be deeply in love in the same breath. I feel some men also [who] might be hurting because of a break-up think it makes them less of a man to show that hurt or that emotion and try to heal inwardly instead of openly displaying any sort of emotion.”
“I’d say it’s because in most cases a woman gets into a relationship for love and comfort, while on the other hand a guy (in most cases) gets into it for just the sake of having a woman…”
Before answering the question one of the men stated that he does not think women hurt more than men but rather it is the “other way around.” Eventually he gave the following answer:
“Well it all depends on who cares for who… you know… for me I hate break ups… I stop eating and drink a lot and try to party it away and I hardly go home …. and most of that time the woman doesn’t seem to give three s..t about me… Then again that might just be me …. you know goat mussy bite me or something that they leave me heartbroken.”
So most, if not all the above answers agree with us, but we got a sobering answer from one woman which made us think really hard. When the question was asked the woman responded by asking whether women really take break-ups harder than men. And we attempted our utmost to convince her by putting forward some of the claims we made at the beginning of this article.
But then she gave us this answer: “The men who can’t take it, stalk the women and kill them… doesn’t get much worse than that.”
That answer stopped us in our tracks, and we started to look at the issue from another angle and asked ourselves how many women in Guyana go around killing the men who dumped them. And then asked the same question of men, and we don’t have to tell you the answer; we all know what the reality is. So the real question that we should be asking, and maybe we will another time, is:
‘Do women take break-ups harder than men?’ We know there are many of you who already have the answer to this question, and maybe you have arguments to counter the sobering answer the woman gave, but we cannot examine it all in this piece.
We believe it is an issue that demands much more discussion and we promise to continue it in another article. (thescene@stabroeknews.com)