Since his history-making heart surgery nearly two months ago, Manmohan Singh has been adjusting to a life of restricted movement, a smaller diet and selected hours for medication.
He said it is a life that is new and difficult to cope with at times, but one he would not trade for the days of greater freedom. Living by the rules is what will get him through the next few months and years as a recovering heart surgery patient, so he intends to follow every last one and the way he sees it, “the power of choice might have had something to do with my condition though I am not one to speculate”.
The days of freedom he referred to were also days of intense pain and endless suffering; pain so great that he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming for help but fully aware that open-heart surgery was his only answer and there was no option to have it done locally in those days. Singh had no money to consider having the surgery overseas.
Painful memories of how things were before surgery flooded back when Singh sat down to talk with Stabroek News on Friday last at his Better Hope, East Coast Demerara home. The jovial man whose faith in God is exposed every few minutes in any conversation he has, was unable to contain his emotions when the interview was requested for the outside world has become a mere memory to him since returning home. Except for family and neighbours, he said, it is as though everyone else ceased to exist.
Singh hopped out of a hammock hanging in his front yard upon our arrival and broke into a warm smile as he greeted us with arms outstretched, eyes watering up and a quick hug.
“It has been pain, pain and more pain so much that I cannot even walk at times. I am in my bed sleeping and the pain comes on, there is no escaping it,” he said.
But it was not always like that. After he was released from hospital in October 2007 Singh was a new man. The blockage in his arteries was no more and the intense pain he usually left had disappeared.
It was as though nothing could go wrong. Three weeks ago, out of the blue, the pain returned and has been a sore reminder of what he previously experienced.
Despite all this, Singh is grateful that he is still breathing and that he had the surgery. He said the doctors had explained his recovery would take months even years.
He said the pain that has returned is something the doctors mentioned but never fully elaborated on which he believes was for his own sanity. Singh said on the positive side, the pain is nothing compared to what he felt before surgery.
His days usually begin with a morning prayer then his personal hygiene and a small meal before he takes his first set of pills. The reminder of the day he spends in his hammock, sleeping or observing his family and neighbours as they go about their daily business. Sometimes Singh has fantasies of going back to his job as a watchman but his wife, Glory would not hear of it and his condition does not permit it.
Passing every hour with nothing do so is hard, he explains, particularly when you once led an active lifestyle. But what can he do but sit around and pray for his condition to improve, at least improve enough for him to walk about the area for a few minutes everyday.
Singh said some people still greet him with negativity, persons who had feared the surgery would have ended badly for him. He related that someone at the hospital whom he met while there recently telephoned him to say that persons at the hospital were saying that he had been re-admitted in bad shape.
“I hear all manner of things about me taking the risk to have the surgery done here but I don’t bother with it because I am still standing and breathing and except for the pain, all is well. People will talk no matter what,” he said.
Every month he keeps an appointment with the doctor and was due for one yesterday.
He said people will see him at the hospital because he has to make regular checks but to assume the worst is negativity he does not need. Singh said many persons have been helpful since his release from the hospital. He mentioned the staff at the Caribbean Heart Institute particularly the receptionist and the staff within the Minister of Health’s office. During the past holiday season he was unable to be part of the festivities and had to pass on the Christmas spread of dishes except for a little pepperpot and black cake.
According to Singh, it is not Christmas without black cake so he had to get a little bite of it. He recalled ringing in the New Year with a prayer asking God to strengthen him and keep him in good health this year.
He said that his family particularly his wife have been supporting him every step of the way. Without them Singh said the journey so far would have been extremely difficult.
One of his wishes is to be able to move around again without feeling any pain.
He is confident that it will happen sooner that most people think. Singh made it a point to mention that he met someone who had the same surgery in the US and who after six years is still having trouble with pain.