The WR investigative crew has been busy diving in dumpsters over the holidays. As luck would have it we came across some rough drafts of Kellawan Lall’s now infamous letter to the Chronic denying the events of the night of November 18
For the sake of brevity we have compressed the drafts. You take your pick:
“I, Kellawan Lall, was driving along the East Coast Road having been:
a) At a meeting to further undermine the city council
b) At a prayer session with Odinga Lumumba
c) Drinking mineral water, I repeat mineral water, in a Kitty rum shop
I stopped at a beer garden at Mon Repos in order to:
a) Distribute TIN application forms
b) Drop off some curry and roti for a sick relative
c) Canvas citizen’s opinions on the issue of whether the army should be allowed to shoot stray pigs on sight
At the beer garden I met a friend. As we were talking I noticed on his forehead:
a) An extraordinarily large mosquito
b) A vampire bat
c) A creature very similar to the one that popped out of that astronaut’s stomach in the first “Alien” movie.
I took out my gun and attempted to destroy the creature. I then drove my friend home. However as we were driving:
a) My Prado seemed to have a flat tyre, so I asked my friend to get out and take a look. As he did so my foot slipped on the gas and I accidentally knocked him into the verge
b) My friend became violently sick and out of concern for my vehicle’s interior, I threw him into the grass.
c) The vampire bat returned and I attempted to run it over, inadvertently hitting my friend in the process.
It was at this point that I noticed in the sky:
A horde of vampire bats coming to the aid of their colleague
An unidentified flying object
A Venezuelan military aircraft violating sovereign airspace.
So I:
a) Attempted a citizen’s arrest of the bats
b) Shot down the plane, earning myself the respect of all patriotic Guyanese
c) Was hit by a laser beam that eradicated my conscience.
The sworn testimony of Minister of Local Government, Kellawan Lall
The government is the burden
Editorial:
On Saturday El Presidente Senor Jagdeo said the government has been assuming the burden of GPL. What on earth is he talking about? Anyone would think he and his ministers were personally footing the GPL bill. What is this overburdened government he refers to?
The cricket stadium, the drivers of ministers and political operatives who chauffeur them everywhere after hours, including to Brazilian strip joints; the first class tickets, the extravagant per diems, and the five-star hotel rooms for conferences that result in nothing
