Patient name: Bharrat Jagdeo, former President of the Co-operative Republic of Guyana
Age: 46
Employment:
2011 to 2012: Micro-manager for Micro-loan project in Micronesia (dismissed for excessive oversight)
March 2012 to Sept 2012: Quality control officer for local firm producing control switches for control panels. The company filed for bankruptcy while waiting for his signature approving a six-month backlog of equipment.
Sept 2012 to present: Unemployed
Diagnosis: Patient has shown difficulties adjusting to normal civilian life.
Symptoms
June 2011: Soon after leaving Office, he sat in backseat of his car for 15 minutes wondering why it was not moving. Since re-learning to drive has developed the curious habit of following police cars, ambulances at high speed. Refuses to stop at traffic lights. He has twice been sighted tagging behind the current President’s convoy.
Warned by police, promised to desist, but still can only drive with a personally installed siren wailing.
July 15 2013: Attempted to join a local book club. Talked for two hours, saying he “would answer questions later”; did not allow any disagreement, threatening to shut down the club for four months.
Left in a huff, screaming “Where is my security?”
October 27 2013: On a Caribbean Airlines flight the patient refused to board the plane until all passengers were seated. Upon arrival in Trinidad he demanded that he disembark first; when denied he pulled the emergency door and slid onto the tarmac, shouting “Where is Sam? Where is Henry?”
December 23 2013: Went to the GDF Christmas lunch and insisted on serving the officers, while calling himself the Commander in Chief. Did the chaka chaka with a female officer and then gave the ranks a 200% retroactive pay increase.
February 2014: Gardener said he was fed up mowing the lawn five times a day and the patient expelled him from the compound saying he could only tend the plants outside the yard. Later said he had no time for the likes of “Gaarden…ers.’ And mysteriously described him as “an opposition group, more dangerous than the maid”.
July 2014: Visited Bourda market where he strangely shook the hand of every vendor before making purchases.
Shocked by the price of the rice, he demanded to speak to Minister Persaud. Was informed that Minister Persaud was now the President and went ballistic, screaming that he was still the president.
Had to be restrained from attacking a police officer. Sent for evaluation.
August 2014 to present: Patient has shown signs of improvement. Last seen walking into parliament with a battered brief case. Now only believes himself to be the Minister of Finance.
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Parliament non-coverage
Something happened in parliament today, we’re not sure what since we walked out early.
It had something to do with passing a bill. Not certain if it was the first reading or second. Don’t really know what the bill was about; someone said it was about finance. We interviewed the parliament cleaner and she replied, “I would not be not able to say”; one of the clerks just sucked his teeth.
The MPs were there, pretty sure about that. Quite confident that The Speaker spoke, he normally does, and quite sure Donald Ramotar heckled because he always likes to heckle. Trotman probably got up and said something intelligent, and then he sat down…hopefully.
There was tea. The MPs usually do that. Some had coffee, some juice, probably. And then for sure they went home.
We don’t know if the President will sign the bill..uh oh we can’t say that either. Whenever we discuss his activities we must use the P-word, but since we’re not supposed to cover his activities it’s a moot point.
That goes for the M’s…you know…the Ms as in the M of HA, the M of F. Can’t cover them.
So what can we cover? Ourselves! We are giving blanket coverage of all press activities. Today we boycotted parliament, then we went home and watched some news on TV of us boycotting parliament and then a follow-up of us watching us watching us on TV. That got us dizzy so we went to sleep and dreamt of a country where politicians and government officials are accountable to the people.
Opportunity costs
$20M for an Amerindian show village!!!! How many real homes for real people could that buy? And how many street lights that make communities safer, could they purchase instead of the floodlights for that stadium?
Ludicrous
Please, people, stop with this ludicrous letter writing campaign pushing Ashni Singh to be the next President.
