Dear Editor,
I refer to the ‘Father and Son’ commercial produced by the USAID/GHARP which is often broadcast locally. The commercial is set in front of the garage of a house where the character playing the father is examining a car’s engine. The son comes home and shyly approaches his father about the topic of sex. Sad to say, the father then begins the discussion by using driving the car as an allegory for sex.
Let’s examine the relationship between a person and a vehicle and the relationship between two persons of the opposite sex. Can a car get pregnant by being driven? Can a car contract an STI by being driven?
A licensed driver can drive a different vehicle every night if possible and there would be nothing wrong with that; should that be the case with sex? An individual can own several vehicles at any given point in time and there would be nothing wrong with that; is the commercial suggesting that a person have multiple sex partners?
There are no emotional scars to deal with in a human to car relationship, there can however, be countless emotional scars to deal with in human to human relationships.
I’m sure that a more scrutinized analysis of the above-mentioned allegory will highlight many other flaws of the said allegory. However, I will limit this letter to the few highlights above.
At the end of this distressing allegory, the son looks up at his father and asks the question “can I drive?” The father replies with “No. You’re not licensed yet.” At this point in the commercial one wonders, what is the ‘license’ to have sex. The commercial closes by attempting to provide the answer by saying, SEX – wait until you are: Mature, Responsible, Ready! This is the suggested ‘license’ or standard by which one must decide whether or not to have sex. Such a standard is ambiguous and weak. Hence it will only serve to deceive our youths?
Let’s now examine the three suggested criteria for having sex. The first one is “wait until you are mature”. To be mature is defined as “having reached a stage of mental or emotional development characteristic of an adult”. The problem with this criterion is that many young persons think that they are mature, when in reality they are far from anything near maturity. Maturity, as defined above, is not reached at any given age, it is a stage. Hence, there are sixteen-year-olds who are mature and conversely there are thirty-year-olds who are immature. If maturity is the standard, then the question is: is it alright for the mature sixteen-year-olds to have sex?
The second criterion is “wait until you are responsible”. One definition for the word responsible is “morally accountable for one’s behaviour.” Based on that definition, if a twelve-year-old tells a lie, isn’t he or she morally accountable for his or her behaviour? Isn’t the child punished for lying since he or she is responsible for his or her behaviour? But should the twelve-year-old have sex since he or she is morally accountable or responsible for his or her behaviour?
The final criterion suggested by the commercial in determining whether or not one should have sex is “wait until you are ready”. One definition for the word ready is “fully prepared”.. The question is what is ‘fully prepared’? Who or what determines when a person is fully prepared? Is it age? Is it job status? Is it academic achievements? Any young person who wants to have sex will tell you and even think that they are ready. This is simply because they don’t know what it means to be ready. If they were to take an examination, they would have a sense of readiness based on a course outline they would have followed in studying for the exam. Even then, they may have qualms about their readiness. But when it comes to having sex, what is the course outline they are to follow? Is it maturity and responsibility? As explained above, those two criteria obviously do not work?
Even when taken together, the criteria “wait until you are: Mature, Responsible, Ready!” will not work. Any teenager can meet those criteria; is the commercial suggesting that any teenager who meets the criteria have sex? What happens when the teenager who meets the criteria and engages in sexual intercourse gets pregnant out of wedlock or contracts an STI?
I submit that the only standard that works is marriage. Marriage is the formal union of one man to one woman, by which they become husband and wife – anything else is not marriage. When two persons of the opposite sex want to have sexual intercourse, they should ask themselves, are we married to each other? If the answer is yes, then go ahead, if the answer is no, then they should not have sex. The standard of marriage eliminates ambiguity and confusion from decision making. Our youths must not be bewildered and left to wonder about the right time to have sex. They must be unmistakably taught the right time – marriage!
If marriage and sex were treated with sanctity by society then our problems with AIDS and promiscuity would not have been as prominent as they are today.
Yours faithfully,
Ganesh Gupta
