By Carifesta Rebel
‘I can feel the love, come on, hot wuk…ay ay ay ay ay ay ayieeeeee”, pop superstar Marc “I can feel the love” Anthony aka ‘New Coif boy’, screamed into the microphone and did the dutty wine much to the delight of his screaming fans at Providence yesterday.
We have Rebel News Bureau Chief, Marquee Cox reporting:
MC: ’Well, Rebel, the atmosphere here is very hot right now, Coif Boy just jumped into the crowd and Akon-like is grabbing on to everyone and doing every move imaginable…why he has just done the dutty wine backwards. It is a most amazing sight, it is like a forward backball but of course, it’s the back dutty wine”.
Rebel: ‘Well, we know that he has promised some new moves tonight, in an attempt to attract the Tacuma worms, who have apparently made a clean getaway from the Amerindians, who blame their broken arrows for preventing them from catching the worms when they emerged out of the woods…but are people feeling the vibes and have you noticed any evidence of the worms being attracted’.
MC: ‘Well, I did notice a little worm, but he was a fake…a lost remnant of Palo-mona-lisa-the-lesser-everyday crowning ceremony…he thought it was today and said that he was rehearsing all along but has already forgotten his lines’ .
Rebel: ‘So what is coif boy doing now?’
MC: ’OMG, he has just ventured into the Chief box and pulled Slim J to dance, they are doing the chicken…apparently it’s now the official dance of the rice arts festival…some unusual moves though…it’s being done to the song of ‘hit me baby one more time’.
Rebel: ‘This is heavy. Coif boy has promised some new acts tonight including the debut of his new song ‘ten tips to get value for hair’ with a guest appearance by veteran hair lady Dee Fox who knows “where the best cuts hair”.
And Meanwhile: It was a dark night at the Sophia Exhibition Complex (blackouts had come again but we had candles…yippee). In a dark tone she asked…circumcised or uncircumcised…yikes…in the land of lots of rusty water there was none and the natives of the land drank fly and cooked with casiri (100 proof)…the one called Fox tagging along with the number two chief of the land, PM, visited the Amerindian village and were offered Tacuma worms…but with a worm rebellion and subsequent great escape, there was none so they were given earthworms from a large cowpat instead…good eating.
Rebelservations
It was good to see so many old ladies smiling at Carifesta…they reportedly said “one last bash before we croak”…and the policewoman holding the hands of the another woman, looking deep into each other’s eyes…was it a case of “smile for the camera now but you’ll still have to gimme a towel or we’ll go down to Brickdam” or “damn girl, your hairstyle is da bomb”.
When will these people learn, the laser show was the lightning!!! Drum that into you thick skulls, before we zap you.
Guyanese are very hospitable and there was no need for a “hospitality village”. So scrap the muddy field with nothing on it and which no-one’s gonna visit anyway. After the giant rat (or was it a mongoose) left the one foreigner who actually visited the village running for dear life, it should have been called the lost village of the Tacuma.
Hooray, Hooray Akon is coming, we’ll see wining and grinding and can’t wait to get our hands on the polar…culture at it’s best… and the washdown…let’s just have another washdown after that one, then another and another…you know…keep Carifesta alive.
In the beginning the rain fell, in the middle the rain fell, in the end…
Breaking News: A special task force has been appointed to hunt the Tacuma worms…the have been very well disguised so as not to give the game away. According to the big, fat, guy who heads it, “the worms are fat, we are fat, they can’t move fast, we waddle and we should be more than a match for them”…
Yay, Parbo a big part awe culture…hic.
