-Neither Pa nor Parent
Although I am not too enthusiastic about these special singular one-shot “days”, I can have no difficulty with the celebration of the responsibility and joys of fatherhood.
The true caring male parent should be celebrated these days. Alas, my potential respect is overwhelmed by the negatives attending the concepts of parents, responsibility and, yes, fatherhood.
Trust the Europeans and Americans to set aside these “days” to celebrate, to highlight, to reward. To reward, of course, involves the inevitable commercialism.
So as much of the world celebrates real fathers tomorrow, you, young men especially, spare a few moments to consider these reflections. Within an emphasis on and context of Guyana.
Daddy, devotion, dignity
Trying hard to keep the lecture short, I must remind that a real dad is a devoted parent. Even a young father should share with his child’s (young) mother some of the physical parenting chores, when he is available.
And he must arrange to be available! A proud responsible young and under-35 father must learn something about diapers, formulas, baby’s illness, teething, clothing, etc. That’s not being feminine. It’s being a father. (I did it and I had girls!) You cannot equal a mother-child physical and psychological relationship. That could be so spiritual even. But father-child bonding can be so sweet. So necessary too.
Now I know that, for some genuine fathers, the harsh, unfriendly, demeaning nature of this country’s economy, makes the society a place which just invites stress, shame and the diminution of fatherhood. It has to be psychological hell to suffer the indignity of unemployment, no income, and no savings when the babies and the nursery school-aged children cry out for numerous needs. Same for the older ones. Good fathers must despair. But need, even poverty must be no excuse for turning away, for abandoning off-spring, mothers, homes, responsibility. Devotion itself begets dignity. It’s good for a father’s soul as he seeks the material.
Male deserters, tortured moms
The weaker-will fathers, with phony pride at being a “father” walks away under pressure, or at the first series of disagreement with the mother.
Guyana has few agencies teaching life’s parenting skills. That’s probably left to the grandmothers – increasingly younger these days. Our society must attend to this social need. Quickly.
Deadbeat dads escape the courts. Especially the working-class deserter-fathers. Drugs, alcohol, anger and ignorance now result in weekly spousal assaults and homicides. Pity the children. Their moms, after their first “mistake”, tried another guy who became the second deserter. Then there could be a third Oh, the hapless, under-educated, semi-employed mother with limited time to parent the boys and girls who might later just become part of that cycle and circle.
Let’s use tomorrow…
I notice a group of fathers on the West Demerara is using Father’s Day 2009, to mount meaningful entertainment – culture mixed with education about responsible parenthood. Great idea follows! Corral the younger dads.
Organisations, families and fathers should indeed use a portion of tomorrow to reflect on true fatherhood. Pray and bond with your children. If you are a practicing Christian you probably regard God, the father, as the First person of the Trinity. If you are like me, you probably admire the devotion of First Dad Barack Obama to his two daughters.
Fellows, even if you can’t relate to the mother, the wife or ex-spouse any longer, look after those children who will always be yours.
See? I’ve not been completely negative despite my captions. I’ll still denounce those less-than-fathers who are neither Pa nor parent. The good fathers may enjoy the gifts, the food, the adoration, and the concerts tomorrow.
Here are two verses for devoted dads:
My Dad is one great reason why I turned out okay
He’s the guy, who taught me to stand up and have my say
If I could choose from all the dads
I’ll pick him any day.
That’s why I am Daddy’s girl.
*************************
For cracking us up with the fun things you do
For telling great stories,
(and some of them true!)
For hanging and chilling
and sharing a brew
A pleasant, reflective Father’s Day.
