Dear Editor,
“The family is a most important foundation. And we are called to recognize and honour how critical every father is to that foundation.” Those were the words of US President Barack Obama last Friday as he spent a few moments talking about fatherhood. Fathers are being ever challenged in these modern times to be the best that they can be. But why are fathers often criticized and looked down upon by so many in our society? Yes, while the mothers are showered with love, affection, sweet words and more love on Mother’s Day, fathers are showered with love and words of caution, advice and some thoughts to reflect on how to be better fathers. Yes, we all know mothers have achieved that level of perfection in the job that they do as mothers, but our fathers are yet to be on parity with their female counterparts. They still have a lot of catching up to do.
But it doesn’t look good at all for fathers today in our world and particularly Guyana. Every day we open the newspapers, we see a woman killed by her lover or husband. Men are brutally killing our womenfolk and wreaking havoc in our society. Large killer gangs, consisting of men, which this country has grown accustomed to have roamed this land and butchered dozens of innocent Guyanese – innocent women! Many of the men in those gangs may have been fathers –many perhaps were to have become fathers. So, where has the sanctity of fatherhood gone? Was it ever present with us? I believe it was. I believe fathers were once conscious of their roles and duties to their wives, children and the wider society. But fatherhood, like so many good things in our world, has gone from bad to worse.
Today, I shudder to think what the next generation of fathers would be like. Is there any hope for these young men in our society today? How would fatherhood shape their future? Do they even know anything about fatherhood? Did they have a man in their life after whom they could have modelled and shaped their lives? The answer to that question is ‘no’ in most cases.
Many fathers today are absent without leave in their homes and in the lives of their children. Many are absent with good reason, for example, job, essential commitments and death, while others are absent due to neglect, desertion, or plain ignorance of the duty of fatherhood. Today, we see young boys dropping out of school and getting involved in unhealthy activities. You see them at the beer shops, using illegal drugs, and wasting away their lives. Many of them have no sense of purpose in life; maybe no sense at all. Many of these boys will end up and impregnate a girl and start families of their own. Being so disconnected from the fabric of the society, these boys – now fathers – cannot adapt or integrate their boyhood into fatherhood. At first, all is well and nice, but at some point they must ask the question, “What do I have to offer this child whom I have brought into this world?” Already, that young man has become a failure to fatherhood. He cannot offer any purpose to the son or daughter he has begotten with his lover because he himself was not properly fathered and is in need of fatherly love. And the cycle will go on and on when his child grows up, making the matter worse if it’s a boy.
Mothers only act on their motherly instinct when faced with the popular situation of being the sole breadwinner in her family – a family with no father. Mothers then become involved in the dual roles of mother and father and thus become stronger people – women – in our society. They face tremendous challenges.
Many of our fathers, too, are facing challenges, but they must seek to address these issues. Many agree that it is a problem for men on the whole, and that problem extends into fatherhood. It probably is. But whatever it is, men need to do something about it before it’s too late. As we read above, the foundation of all families is built on the father, although it seems today that mothers build and solidify that foundation better. No matter how much mothers do the job of fathers and vice versa, there are some jobs which neither can do for the other. Hence, it is imperative that fathers ponder meaningfully upon their duties as fathers as we indulge in another Father’s Day. Fathers must realize the sacred roles and duties which are laid upon them. Christians refer to God as Father to express their respect, reverence and admiration for the one Supreme Being who created the heavens and the earth. No other name (than Father) to refer to God would have been fitting.
Perfecting our fathers won’t be done overnight. And as such, society – ourselves – needs to encourage and support the fathers out there who are doing the best they can, and reach out to help those who seem to find it hard to be good fathers. We’re all in this thing together. The family, the oldest organization and group in this world, can and will survive. And mothers and their children need the fathers out there to add that finishing touch to the family. Not just a father in name only but a man who can purposefully lay a solid foundation on which to build up his family while instilling positive values in his children, and passing on valuable lessons of morality, behaviour and principles to their sons. And that’s not all; in fact, that’s just the beginning.
Yours faithfully,
Leon Jameson Suseran