Culture Box

A couple of us girls were having a lunch-time discussion recently and the talk got around to all the things you are advised not to do in case something bad befalls you.

Given the number of ‘dos and don’ts’ that come with different situations,  it is a wonder we still have a population at all, since by now most of us would have died or at least be barely surviving, because we have not been following all this advice. Most of it of course is really tradition passed down the generations, and more often than not it is an older person who offers the caution. Even though more and more young people nowadays do not believe what they are told or take heed of the advice, they still give some of their own.

So us girls were talking about how we are not supposed to look at a ‘dead,’ how we must strip at the door after attending a funeral and how we should not to go into a burial ground when having our monthly menstruation. We did not discuss what would befall you if you did such things, but we knew the advice came with an ‘or else.’ Of course it was not the first such discussion we have had – how could you escape talking about it when it is all around – because we have talked about what a mother should or should not do with her newborn and what a pregnant woman should or should not do.

The discussion was accompanied by peals of laughter, as example after example was given of ‘dos and don’ts’ and of some person we knew who followed them all religiously.

In the midst of the laughter I quite boldly said I do not believe in any of it, and heads nodded around me in agreement. I added that those who followed such foolishness are sure to have ill befall them because of their stupidity.

And then a thought struck me about a recent occurrence in my life and it got me thinking that we all, even subconsciously, sometimes believe in some of the things old people talk about, even though we may try to portray things differently.

Of course I did not share my experience with my friends; after all I had just boldly declared that I will not be sucked into such beliefs, but I shamefully went over my recent thoughts.

So here goes… This is an example of how we all sometimes fall victim to beliefs in things that really should not matter.

My husband came home late from work one night and told me that he was about to enter the company vehicle when he fell, and in the process his wedding ring, which was slack from the inception, slipped off his finger. He said he spent some time searching for it and was even assisted by some colleagues but could not find the ring.

I immediately said that the ring was gone for good and I thought about the money I spent on it not so long ago. But then just as quickly I started to think about what people say when a wedding ring is lost.

The story has been told that if either partner loses their ring then it is a bad omen for the marriage.

I did all I could to think about other things, but the idea about the bad omen would not go away. I urged my husband to continue to search for the ring the following day, and had a fitful sleep that night as all kinds of negative thoughts about my marriage just kept popping up.

The next day when I was certain my husband had been at work for about an hour, I called him and the first thing I asked of course was whether the ring had been found.

When he answered in the affirmative it was like a load had been lifted off of my shoulders. Why? Only God alone knows I guess – or I do know; like many others I was caught in the web of ‘dos and don’ts.’

So after I remembered this experience I shut myself out of the rest of the discussion because I felt slightly hypocritical – or at least I did not feel too good about myself right there and then.

And I wondered (although I did not ask) how many of my girlfriends sometimes fall into the same trap.

There is no doubt in my mind that whatever we say, from time to time some of us unwittingly find ourselves believing ‘dem old time thing.’ (thescene@stabroeknes.com)