Culture Box
It’s about ten past nine in the morning and I am waiting to hop on a bus; don’t feel like it but I don’t exactly have a choice either. There is a song on the radio, which haunts me because the guy is singing about his dreams and where they all went. He is not alone.
I sometimes wonder where my dreams went. My father, who I loved having around as kid but was deprived of his presence when it really mattered, used to say to me that the world would be nowhere without dreamers and their dreams. He encouraged me to dream big (it’s a parenting thing) and to never lose sight of the things I want in life. Have to admit when he said those things to me I was still too young to understand most of it, which is why I wrote them down. Come to think of it I have had a passion for writing since I was eight…wow!
I wish my dad was here now to tell me something uplifting because my dreams are apparently still locked in that place where I go when I slumber at nights. There is no tragic story to tell really, probably because I have learnt to take things one day at a time, but I am still waiting to tick a few things off the list I created when I dreamed of how fantastic my life would be.
An obvious question would be what my dreams are like – so here goes. The really big one (let’s start there) is standing at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood and accepting the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role. I used to tell this story often as a child and the people close to me, except my dad, always offered one bit of advice, “dream realistically”. It is a pretty big dream, but I am not discouraged to the point where I am going to say here that it will never happen. However, I am smart enough to understand what my chances are – about one in a billion.
I have always liked acting. I spent my childhood telling stories and dramatizing them for anyone who had time to spare and eventually I got into dramatic poetry. People don’t just wake up one day and decide they want to be actors, I am aware, but I have always wanted to do it so that doesn’t apply to me. What I need is training and a shot, if I get both I will know what to do with it and the rest is going to be history. I look back on my years of dramatic poetry competitions wins, elocution wins and well-received stage performances at school and feel a sense of satisfaction, Hollywood or not. It matters to me that my dad still believes I could get that one elusive shot.
The years have caught up with me and my other dreams. I was part of a bandwagon of young students who all wanted to be attorneys and wear black robes, but the profession grew less attractive as I got older. The fact that I want to study law now differs from me entertaining a desire to practice it, so the dream lives on. I am not dissuaded by the reality that Guyana certainly has its fair share of lawyers and one of my tutors (I’ve studied a bit of it) once charged during a lecture that “there is always room at the top”.
There was also a dream to go the Olympics, but I had failed to make it to the National School Championships after a brief campaign. Truth is, I have always had one problem; I was never a disciplined athlete and basically won all my races thanks to natural speed and with respect to the distance events, incredible stamina. I simply got out of bed on the days I had to compete and ran my races. I am too ashamed to say what happened to my body in the days following those events. It has been over ten years since I gave up athletics, but my body is still in good shape and I can still go the distance, which means that with the required discipline and commitment to the sport, I might still be able to pursue that Olympic dream.
The other dreams fit into the usual; marriage, a family, higher education and gratifying employment. I will only say that the marriage plans have been on hold for a while now which means the family goal is also not possible yet. People I talk to often advise me to “live life” and try to be happy before making commitments and thinking about raising a family as if either is going to ruin me. I am holding off yes, hopefully so that when the times comes it is just as I dreamed it would be. With respect to education, I am up on my way up, and it’s pretty much the same for employment.
I can’t end this little missive about my dreams and where they all went without saying that at least two have come true so far; I grew into the self-assured individual that I had hoped to be who loves life even on the days when “it pours”; I have lived to be a quarter of a century and I have been in love. Next up, am tackling every other dream on my list including the ones I cannot mention here. (thescene@stabroeknews.com)