Dear Woman-who-thinks-like-a-man,
Can you believe how ridiculous some women are? Last Christmas when my girlfriend expelled flatulence during my family dinner I didn’t get mad and I still kissed her that night.
At her birthday dinner last week when I did the same, she refused to continue sitting next to me. And believe me, I still remember hers from last Christmas and I can tell you mine smelt better.
But the passing of gas isn’t the problem here. It’s her immature behaviour and now that I really think about it I realize that most women at some point in their lives have behaved or still behave like she does about things like that.
For example, she is ashamed to tell me if she needs a bathroom break for number two. I have to gauge her physical discomfort to figure out that she needs to do number two so I can diplomatically disappear from wherever it is for a little while so she can have her extended bathroom break.
Some days I really hope she suffers from constipation for all the trouble she gives me.
And I hope she realizes that I hear/am aware of those little silent ones she tries to pass off; they are the killers.
I hope I’ve been able to give you some laughs from this longstanding problem I’ve had to deal with. And if you’re going to tell some of this to your friends make sure to let them know we’re a couple in our late 20s.
Best Wishes,
A very pooped-out guy
Well folks, the very pooped out guy is a friend of a friend of mine. Of course I’ve basically rewritten what he told me but I sure found it funny. And would you believe? My last real boyfriend used to be like that. I got tired of it one day and I told him he should excuse himself and step outside rather than smell up the place.
So maybe I should have used a bit more tact. But there are times when you just can’t take it anymore.
Everybody passes gas, people are just made that way; its how you deal with it that matters – there’s need for etiquette, control and ahmm, well, acceptance of course.
Getting rid of bodily waste is also natural, remember that. We all do it, even the queen and all of those hot-looking guys and chicks you see and want to get to know.
I’m not sure what to tell the very pooped-out guy. Feel free to give the dude some advice. He sounds like he can use it. Poor thing. I hope she knows that she’s a lucky woman. If I were the dude I’d have been tired of all the clandestine wind breaking by now.
And hey, if you have denied it, blamed it on the guy/girl next to you, the dog, the cat, or your deaf grandmother for heaven’s sake stop. Step outside or into the restroom if you know you’re going to do it. When it’s unavoidable, say excuse me. According to research, on average, a person produces about half a litre of flatulence per day, distributed over an average of about 14 daily expulsions and there is a direct relationship between what you eat, how often you pass wind and how it smells. Go figure! (srh.midnight@gmail.com)
