Child Protection Week (September 19-25) is being observed this year under the theme, ‘Positive parenting; saving tomorrow, today.’ In recognition of the week, Stabroek News is publishing a series of interviews with women who have been supported by the Ministry of Human Services. The first one follows below.
Mona* dreams of relocating her four children from the squalor in which they currently live; the home has electricity on some days, no bathroom or toilet facilities, and accommodation that can only be described as unsuitable in every respect.
Mona is ashamed to say where she bathes daily, what the family is forced to do when nature calls, and how they dispose of human waste. Her answers, which finally came, are hard to accept but some people are living under those conditions.
The insanitary and harsh conditions aside, she is struggling to raise young and impressionable children in the heart of a crime-infested community. Her oldest, a boy of 13, had succumbed to the ‘easy-life’ since he was 7 and was recruited to steal his way out of his circumstances; he was eventually placed in the state’s care.
Mona, like countless other single-parent mothers, is rarely home. She works as a security guard for long hours, barely spending time with the young children for whom she is working in order to give them a better life. When she leaves for work and closes the door behind her, it is simply the children and God. They range in ages from 3 to 10, excluding the oldest boy.
What Mona earns is not even worth mentioning, and she says frankly, “It ain’t anything.” Once she fed her children tap water for a period of time because food was hard to come by and on what she considered better days, they ate egg and rice. She was a bit hesitant to discuss what they eat these days, but said that food is there.
Life for Mona has not been easy, and it all started when her mother walked out on her and four other siblings; she was three years old. She was relocated from the city to another county and was cared for by her grandparents, but Mona had to work hard in return for the lodging.
“Is morning, night, weekends, all the time I was working. If it was not cleaning, it was farming and then selling on the road,” she recalled during the recent interview. The work took a toll on her, and one day she spoke out against the treatment and was asked to leave. It was late at night when her family threw her out, and since she had a friend in the area Mona decided to go and beg for a place to sleep.
On her way over to the friend’s home Mona was attacked by a male resident, beaten and raped. She was 16, alone at the time, scared and without a clue. She ended up at the friend’s home but said nothing to anyone of the assault; a sister eventually took her in and moved her back to the city, but Mona later discovered she was pregnant.
Mona went through with her pregnancy and with some assistance from her father who occasionally appeared in her life she gave birth nine months later. She embraced the baby initially, but developed a deep hatred for the boy and as he grew; she verbally and physically abused him.
“I try to hurt he ’cause I was hurt. I told him things like he was the ugliest child a woman could have and how I wish he would go on the road and die in a accident or something. I used to beat he bad,” Mona said, and eventually broke into tears.
Now 32 years old, she is still a hurt woman. The rape scarred her and it also caused a destructive relationship between her and her oldest child. She cried for about five minutes, weeping over past pain and current guilt. “I want to be a better mother to he,” she said, noting that when he is released from the state’s care she will have that opportunity.
The boy is struggling to accept any love and affection and often lashes out in deep rage during interactions with people. He fled Mona’s home early because of poverty and rejection and spent a few years of his young life committing petty crimes and begging on the streets. He has spoken of love and equally of hatred for his mother, but it is obvious he longs to be accepted by her.
Mona’s family captured the attention of the ministry when her son was placed in care, and since then she has been counselled and supported financially. She said the ministry entered her life at a time when “life was real rough” – rough meaning she barely had anything to feed her children and she was grappling with talk in the community of her being an unfit mother. In addition, her oldest boy was out committing crimes.
Mona has never had a stable relationship; she has met men, loved them and had them leave her. Nearly every man she has had beat her in private and public, and those who didn’t hit her wanted to simply use her. She ended up having a child for every man who entered her life after the rape; today she has stopped looking and is instead living for her children.
“The ministry bring me back on me foot and this is not talking because they ask me to talk to you. I see people go in their bag and give me money because I ain’t had, I went real bad,” she said, again bursting into tears. She said the ministry started assisting her with groceries initially and later public assistance, and today things are better for the family.
The ministry is also assisting Mona to relocate from the community because of the environment and the conditions; she is likely to move by early next month. Mona said she looks around her area and sees young girls pregnant from ages 11 and 12. “I ain’t want that for my daughter,” she said, and she is afraid that her boys could fall prey to the recruiters.
Mona has one other dream besides moving out of the area; open a bank account for her daughter when she can afford it. She said it would be a gift from a mother to daughter; she never received anything from her mother.
*Mona’s real name was not used in the article to protect her identity.
