I am not sure when my preoccupation with my identity began but it has become an integral part of my life. Maybe it has something to do with a certain number or is it the beginning of maturity? Either way, I am sure that I am not alone in my thoughts.
I can recall most vividly my thoughts of myself during my teenager years. As I stared at the reflection in the mirror, my physical flaws seemed to loom larger than life. Then, my anxieties over my height, beauty and weight were similar to that of other teenage girls. These were the attributes I battled with because at the time they were what I thought defined me.
Now, years later as I look at the reflection of the person in the mirror, I realise not much has changed. The major difference is my outlook and my drive to see myself as a unique character. And what is wrong if I believe that I am quite a unique and multi-faceted character? It has nothing to do with my ego; rather it’s a matter of capitalising on all the features which make one standout.
Acceptance of oneself starts with the individual. It begins at that point when you stop worrying about what the rest of the world thinks about you and a decision is made to embrace yourself. It does call for much reflection and self-analysis and while you are bound to find things you don’t like – make the good work things in your favour.
The mirror still tells me I am not ‘pageant height’ but I don’t care. I no longer worry about the height and when necessary I fix this problem with a pair of sexy stilettos which I wear with much confidence.
On the issue of weight, I know and just in case I didn’t, my mom reminds me that that aspect is well within my control. I must stop procrastinating on that one!
On the issue of beauty, I have long realised that while I may have some amount of attractiveness, it is really not important. Someone once said in their assessment of me- “she is unsure of her beauty.” I guess that would be a fair assessment.
But these attributes – height, beauty and weight – do not and will not define me! For what I may lack, I most certainly make up with intelligence, charm and humility (that’s the top three). More so, as a woman, I see myself full of potential and possessing the capacity to conquer any challenge which I may undertake. Now more than ever, I hold onto the power of identity – it is what really makes me unique.
Some people who have interacted with me would label me as “stuck-up” but nothing is further from the truth. I believe in being me and not compromising my ideals to suit others. I don’t mean that in a snobbish way, I simply mean that one should not have to behave differently in order to gain friends. It is by being yourself that you gain valuable friendships since they would be grounded in truth and not a falsified image.
So every morning as I look at my reflection, I remind myself that I am the creator of my destiny and I boldly set out to make it the best day possible. While, what others may think of us is important in some measure, of greater value is what we think of ourselves! (thescene@stabroeknews.com)
