This is the fourth and final article in a series of interviews with women who have been supported by the Ministry of Human Services. They are being published in recognition of Child Protection Week, which is being observed under the theme, ‘Positive parenting; saving tomorrow, today.’
Three years ago Irene* was faced with two hard choices; rescue her four grandchildren from an abusive and neglectful father then struggle to raise them or allow the state to take custody and watch as they grew up in foster care.
The decision tormented her for days until she decided that if the children had to “tough it out” it was better they did so with her. Their mother, a woman of 40, had died suddenly after a brief illness. Their father was around, but his presence meant nothing.
“He ain’t no real father to these children. He there and is like he ain’t there,” Irene said, recalling that even before their mother died, her son had been abusive and neglectful of his wife and children. He is a substance abuser and the drugs “mash he up,” according to her.
Irene uprooted her grandchildren from the home after informing her son and moved them into her modest one-bedroom abode which was in need of some critical repairs. Leaking problems, accommodation issues and more importantly, how she would feed them were foremost in her mind, but the children were happy to move.
Not only did their father beat them cruelly, he also showed them no love. Irene recalled that one of the girls went crying to her one day displaying countless marks of violence on her body; she was six years old at the time. Irene reported the matter to the police and also went looking for her son, but he fled the area and could not be found for weeks. He returned later and apologized to his wife only to start beating the children again.
The children range in ages from 8 to 3; the older ones still struggle with the painful past they shared with their father. Irene said that one of the girls would sit all day in school and cry, refusing to say anything to the teachers and also refusing to do any work. One day, the child finally told Irene that her parents didn’t love her.
Irene explained that when she was still a baby both her parents worked in the interior and were rarely home – the mother was actually from the Pomeroon area. Irene was always the presence in the girl’s life, battling to save her when she was just a few months old.
She said doctors gave up on her granddaughter after she was born, because of a lung problem, but she refused to and spent most of her time at the hospital praying and doing whatever was asked of her. She also donated blood to the child saying “it was me first and only time.” The girl finally came around and was later discharged from the hospital and into her grandmother’s care.
Irene loves her grandchildren, but she also feels a bit of guilt in the way she raised her own five children. The decision to take her grandchildren was influenced by a semi-conscious feeling of making a second chance count. She looks at the children and feels a sense of obligation and equally, the need to be a better parent and person.
After she took the children, two days of domestic work and a part-time job cleaning drains was all the work she could find; it was enough to put food on the table and pay the bills. Irene battled it out for months trying to provide for them and her, putting them first and leaving herself without on many occasions. She struggled for a while then turned to the Ministry of Human Services. “I try to do it alone but I couldn’t; is too hard,” she said.
She approached the ministry asking for help with school items and other assistance and the ministry immediately responded. Irene said they were impressed with the fact that she was working hard to keep the family together; she received the assistance for school and also public assistance.
The little help that was coming in from the ministry allowed Irene to do other things with the money she was working for; she bought a bed for the children because they were initially sleeping on a mattress on the floor. She also repaired the roof on the house which leaked every time it rained and eventually, she was able to add a second room to the house for the children.
“I even buy a fridge de other day,” she said, adding that life is beginning to get a bit easier with the assistance. There are still many things she would like to buy for the children including another bed, books, a computer and a few games, but she said, “In time.”
Irene knows it will take her years to work and purchase the things she would like, but she plans on working until her body no longer permits her. “I ain’t separating from these children and I will do what I have to do to make them comfortable. What I know is that they ain’t going nowhere,” she said.
She gets up every morning at 3 am to prepare meals for the children because her job requires her to be at work from 6 am. She wakes the children up around 5.30 am for them to start preparing before she leaves home and according to her, they are usually ready for school by 7.30 am.
Irene has other grandchildren and she has been accused of showing favouritism, but she said the ones in her care have no mother and to an extent, no father. She said that whatever she has belongs to the four children and she also plans on making a will to “leave what I have for them.”
Irene said that if any misfortune should befall her she would rather the state take custody of the children before any other relative. “I rather human services care for them,” she said.
*Irene’s real name was not used in the article to protect her identity.