By Oluatoyin Alleyne
Less than three years ago Sandra Braithwaite spent her nights on a tomb in Le Repentir Cemetery and her days doing odd jobs or on a ‘block’ buying cocaine and being merry among ‘friends’.
Today, at 59, she is a recovering addict who no longer answers to the name ‘Cocaine granny,’ and she only says a brief hello to her former associates “and keep moving.”
Her life is still far from perfect, but in her view it is a hundred times better than her days in the cemetery, and the opportunity to really get to know her children and grandchildren is one she wouldn’t trade for anything else. In fact, Sandra now takes care of her 14-year-old grandchild when his mother is away, and it is a ‘job’ she takes pride in doing.
Emaciated and dishevelled, Sandra was presented to the Phoenix Recovery Project for women on September 9, 2008, bringing an end to 17 years on the streets. She spent ten months at the project’s Mon Repos, East Coast Demerara location and now she lives alone and swears that she hasn’t touched cocaine, alcohol or tobacco since.
“But I am a recovering addict and I will be a recovering addict until I die… I don’t feel the urge any more, but I would never go and try cocaine to test my strength, I wouldn’t do that,” Sandra told Stabroek News in a recent interview.
She is not ashamed to share her story since her 17 years on the street and “doing any kind a job just to get a money to get cocaine” has taught her that there is really nothing in life to be ashamed of. And if her story can inspire anyone or create avenues for women with addiction problems to get help, Sandra says she would shout it out for all who would listen.
Her days as a junkie – a disparaging word for a drug addict – may be behind her, but she just has to walk down some Georgetown streets to be reminded of where she used to be, and every time she looks into a mirror her damaged left eye tells the story over and over again. She became blind in the eye because she was attacked after refusing to share her cocaine with one of her addict ‘friends.’ A broken left wrist that is partially deformed, the result of a fall from a mango tree while stealing fruit, is also a constant reminder.
Close to church
Sandra’s first encounter with cocaine came at a most unlikely place, opposite a church. She recalled she was sitting with a cousin and a friend who was preparing to take the substance to Suriname.
“He bust the pack and they decide to try it and offer me some and I try it. I didn’t feel anything really then, but then I try it again and then start doing it on the weekends with me friends. From weekends a start using it every day,” Sandra said, shaking her head sadly.
She was thirty-nine years old at the time and lived with her five children, reputed husband and two sisters. Sandra did not work but took care of her home and children while her husband worked.
Shortly afterward she began using cocaine frequently and although she attempted to hide it from her partner he found out and left.
“He move he clothes piece by piece and then lef, but by the time I didn’t care because the disease deh done tek over and is like the cat gone, the rat tek over, and I start doing it in the open and sell out all the furniture in the house.”
She then abandoned her home and children and moved to the streets where most of her waking days were spent, begging, doing odd jobs, buying cocaine and then finally using the drug.
“All dem lil stinking dutty job I do, you know how people does treat junkie. Ah clean drain, fetch out dead dog, wash, clean house, toilet anything just to get lil money to spend on the ‘block.’”
Looking back, Sandra said she was never really comfortable in the cemetery, but selfishness drove her there almost every day.
“When I get me cocaine I don’t want share with nobody so I would go there to be by myself and use, and then most times I just overdose and pass out right there. I had a special tomb I use to sleep between some bush…”
Even in her addicted state Sandra recalled that she once attempted to make a “normal life” when she struck up a relationship with another addict and they shared accommodation in Albouystown. He was the security for the place and she cleaned and “we use to live in a lil room and I tried…” But it did not work out because not only was the man abusive, but he was the one who blinded her in the left eye. In addition, he was promiscuous and in the end she went back to the streets and the cemetery.
“When I was on the ‘block’ he never could get to me because the pusher would protect his clients, and he could not enter the ‘block,’ but when he see me anywhere else he use to abuse me,” Sandra said, adding that she still sees him now and again.
In fact they were still technically together when she left the streets, and since out of rehab she sees him from time to time as she visits her daughter and grandchildren in Albouystown, but “I don’t feel anything for him, I think it was just me in with the cocaine that made me think I was attracted.”
‘Tales from the crack’
Sandra’s entry to the rehab programme was facilitated through former radio announcer Malcolm Ferreira who at one time had a programme called ‘Tales from the Crack.’
She told Stabroek News that she knew Malcolm as a little child and he knew she was addicted, so when he started the programme he featured her.
“Malcolm was really sad about me and how I was living, and he always promise to get help for me, so when the programme for women come he try all out to help me.”
The break came when Malcolm took her to a Ministry of Health programme which Dr Leslie Ramsammy had attended, and she was asked to say something.
“I just get up and I said addicts need a lot of love and attention,” Sandra said.
But her words caught Dr Ramsammy who later facilitated her being checked into the rehab programme. The ministry paid for six months but after that time Sandra said she felt she was not ready for the road and one of her four daughters paid for her to remain for another four months.
“Now my whole life has turned around; not only I stop using but I bathe regularly and so on… Life has been good since.”
She recalled that the rehab programme was like back to school days for her, as after the initial stage of detoxifying, where she basically ate and slept, she went through a series of classes during which she was taught how to stay clean.
Anger
Sandra has come a far way but her progress is now being hindered by the anger and hatred she has for one of five persons who beat her to a pulp about four years ago. She recalled that the woman, who is known to her, had seen her on the road and abused her and she responded in kind. This angered the woman and her four friends – two women and two boys – and they attacked her. She put up a fight but was no match for them and while the two men basically looked on after throwing initial punches she was beaten with iron and sticks by the three women.
She managed to escape and later passed out on the landing of an associate and was subsequently taken to the hospital by a daughter who had been alerted about her plight.
“I report this matter and I get medical and everything but the police refuse to charge these people. Every time I go they tell me dem ent got no time and I does see these people and this particular woman she pompous and always throwing it in me face. I know I didn’t do dem anything and dem beat me like dat. I hurt and I does get really angry, really angry, I could just burn up this woman or something when I see she selling on the street corner.”
The recovery programme has twelve steps and Sandra says she is stuck at step four because of her resentment for the woman and she is being encouraged by her counsellors to go and apologise to the woman.
“But I didn’t do she anything wrong… But some day I must be have to do it because I want to move on and this thing eating me up…”
She is now out of the rehab and lives in a small apartment with her grandson. She does not pay rent but indicated that she has since been told that come January she has to pay rent. It would be difficult for her because she does not have a steady job.
She works at Phoenix from Fridays to Mondays staying with the women and assisting them in their chores. She is also on contract with the Ministry of Health in its ‘Edutainment’ programme during which she acts in skits and shares her life story.
“But it is not a steady job and I don’t get paid right away, so right now I waiting to see how much rent because I really don’t have a lot of money.”
Sandra is now close to her four daughters but she doesn’t really know her last child and only son. He was eight when she became addicted and his father shortly after took him to the US and she has not heard of or seen him since. She hopes that one day soon she would build some form of relationship with him.
“If Phoenix could help me, I tell you it could help anyone; I am very much glad to have a place where women could get help. Is like I get save by the bell,” Sandra said.
Many ‘Sandras’
There are many more ‘Sandras’ out on the street who will not be reached although there is now a recovery programme because there is a serious shortage of funding, said Head of the recovery project, Clarence Young. The recovery project caters for women as well as men.
Young said that many of the women cannot afford the $50,000 a month charged for the mandatory six months programme. Sandra was among the first batch of women who checked into the rehab centre soon after it opened its doors on August, 13, 2008.
Back then the programme had thirteen staff members, but today that number has been reduced to eight and the men’s programme has also been moved from Sparendaam to that location.
Initially the women’s programme received some funding from the Ministry of Health which subsidized the cost for some women, but that funding came to an end last year. The women’s programme can accommodate 12 inmates at a time, but Young said many times all the places are not taken up because relatives cannot afford to pay the monthly costs.
It is advised that women stay six to nine months in the programme, but some persons, like Sandra, opt to stay longer.
He said there is need for more funding not just to run the programme but to attract people to work in the project.
Since opening the doors of the women’s rehab programme, Young said they have found it very challenging as many of the women are ashamed of their past and then there are the children. He said it would have been good if they had accommodation for women and their children because shortly after they are on treatment, their maternal instincts kick in and they long for their children.
“So sometimes we lose a lot of women like that because from simply ‘wanting to see my child’ or ‘take care of my children’ they move out and they are not well prepared for the outside and return to their old life.”
Young said that it has been challenging for him, so much so that he felt like quitting a few months ago, but he assessed what the programme had been doing for his clients and decided he had to continue.
“Everybody is recognizing the need, but not everyone is putting proper systems in place to deal with the issue,” Young told Stabroek News recently.
He said there was need for specialised counsellors to deal with addicts so as to ensure that they were not manipulated by the clients. Young stressed that many were not aware of or ignore the domino effects of substance abuse as it contributed to domestic violence and placed a burden on the health system, among other things.
“You cannot just be a welfare officer or a social worker and counsel drug addicts… they are going to manipulate you… ,” Young said.
There are only two residential programmes in Guyana, Phoenix and the Salvation Army, and the latter caters only for men.
