Twelve years after she lost her eyesight, Abigail Hamilton still finds every day a struggle; and were it not for her three minor children and a few good friends, she would have given up already.
Hamilton knew that one day she would become blind; she had eyesight problems since her childhood days and for years she existed with just partial vision. However, when it finally happened it was still a shock.
“It is not easy existing in a black world. It is frustrating and the amount of advantage does happen is not fair. It is hard, very hard,” Hamilton told Stabroek News in a recent interview.
There were days when she was pelted with rotten potatoes and fruits and instances when she was pushed out by strangers but what hurt the mother of four the most was being abused and taken advantage of by family members.
“Leh me tell you something, at one time I couldn’t tek it anymore and I say I woulda commit suicide…” she said candidly from her Paradise, West Coast Berbice home.
And when her request for a public assistance book was turned down Hamilton threw her hands in the air and gave up. That very day as she was travelling in a minibus actually planning how she would end her life, she met Mark Archibald, Chairman of the Region 5 Disabled People’s Network.
“Just so he start talking to me on the bus and I tell he my problems and so on and he tell me about the network and I don’t know if it was a miracle or what but I decide to give it a try and I join the network,” she said.
Today she said she is much better because she is a member of the network which provides activities in which she can participate. She attends various classes and is also part of a cricket team.
It is not that her economic circumstances have improved since joining the network but the emotional support she is provided with is priceless to her and the activities give her something other than her children to look forward to.
There is now more purpose in her life, she said, but it is still not an easy road as her abusive husband has turned to drinking and does not provide for his family.
‘Like a normal woman’
From the time she has known herself, Hamilton said, she has always had trouble with her eyesight. Many visits to doctors did not help so by the time she became a teenager she knew that one day she would go blind. But she was not prepared to sit and wait for what was inevitable, so she, “lived my life like a normal woman” by marrying and having children. Her eldest son is 20.
While she still had her eyesight she worked in a factory but when in 1992 most of her vision had gone as the optic nerves in both eyes were damaged, she became a vendor in the market.
“I was still seeing a bit you know …sometimes I would just see objects but I had to work so I got up every morning and sell and sometimes I just use to stand up on the road and sell plastic bag and so on,” Hamilton said.
Discrimination
It was while she was a vendor at the market that Hamilton said she experienced the worse kind of discrimination meted out to differently able persons.
“Darling leh me tell you something, it was not an easy road and still is not a easy road. There is a lot of discrimination against people with disability. You see people use to pelt me with rotten mango and rotten potato and sometimes dem just use to push me out of the way, real cruel you know.”
She recalled that she was locked up by a city constable because she refused his sexual advances but was later released after an employee in the office pleaded for her.
But it was not all bad as Hamilton said there were some kind vendors around who looked out for her. However, they were not always there and she had to fend for herself many times to the best of her ability.
In 1997, her eyesight went completely and Hamilton said she was forced to stay at home and depend on her husband whom she had been with since 1986. From that time to now she made her last three children, aged 11, 8 and 6.
Hamilton said she lived at her mother’s house in East La Penitence and it was she who assisted her with her housework as she could not then and still cannot cook for herself.
In 2002 she moved to Paradise with her family and started living with relatives but according to her they were severely mistreated and eventually were forced to move into a mud hut.
“Look the hut had no roof or anything we had to put plastic on and then a get a lil money and give he [the relative] to buy zinc and he rob me, you see why a tell it ent easy,” the woman said as she broke into tears.
Hamilton said mistreatment also came from professionals who should know better and she recalled an experience with a doctor at the Fort Wellington Hospital where she had gone for some eye drops.
“He turn and tell me ‘you done blind already’ even though I had prescription is like he angry or something,” the woman said. She said it was a nurse who was in the office at the time who “stand up fuh me and mek I get the drops.”
Being cursed by drivers on the road is something else Hamilton said she has become accustomed to since they often become infuriated when she does not move quickly enough for them.
Public assistance
Hamilton said she had applied for public assistance for herself and children and she was given books for her children. She returned to the Berbice office in an effort to secure one for herself but instead the officer took her daughter’s and gave it to her.
That was the day the mother of four seriously contemplated ending her life but fortunately met Archibald on the bus.
With the assistance of the network and her mother, Iola Young, Hamilton said, she makes it from one day to the next. Although her mother is 75 years old, Hamilton said, she still assists her with whatever little she can.
“Through de network I find a little hope that life ent end without eyesight, is like I get back a lil bit of life.”
Later one of her sons’ public assistance book was taken away and Hamilton said she was told by the officer that since she knew she was blind, she should not have made any more children.
Hamilton said she is aware that many persons share that view, but Hamilton said she is a woman and has the right, like any other woman, to have children. She pointed out she is married and all her children are for her husband, though he is not supporting the family now.
“Should I have just been pushed in an institution and give up on life?” she questioned.
“We are humans, treat us with respect and love and understanding and stop the discrimination,” she pleaded.
“Right now I have two books, one for me and me lil son and it is not easy because when the father was here he use to abuse me and not give me any money and so,” she said.
When she applied for the public assistance, Hamilton explained, her husband was ill and her daughter was in the hospital and she had nowhere else to turn.
And even though it’s difficult many days, she insists that her children attend school because “without qualification dem ent deh nowhere.”
She said initially her husband was very supportive when she lost her eyesight but he changed over the years. He was not with her when she moved in with her relative in Berbice but he joined them when the mud hut became their home.
It was through a Good Samaritan, Dr Rhonda Archer, with the assistance of overseas donors and Hamilton’s mother that the family secured a house on a piece of land and this is where they call home today.
Hamilton said she washes and tries to clean the house to the best of her ability, sometimes with the assistance of her daughter, but she does not cook. She is assisted with the cooking by a neighbour and whenever her eldest son visits as he is forced to live in the city because of his job. There are times when she has to direct her 11-year-old daughter to cook a meal “but I does frighten because she does have to climb up, I don’t want her cooking.”
Most of her days are just spent at home doing nothing, except for the days when she washes or attend classes at the network. She also goes to market with the assistance of her daughter.
Blue Christmas
Hamilton and her children may have a blue Christmas this year because of the actions of her abusive husband.
She revealed to Stabroek News that during the year she had managed to save up $19,500, which “I say I would use to buy something nice for Christmas Day so me children could enjoy dey self.
“I just want the children to be happy because Christmas is a happy time.”
But just over a month ago she had an argument with her husband who was very abusive towards her, verbally and physically.
“I had de money in a barrel with a padlock and he just lash off the padlock and tek all de money and went away,” the woman wept. “Right now is no Christmas for me and me children, is a blue, blue Christmas.”
Her mother has already extended an invitation and Hamilton said she plans to bring her children to the city for the day “so at least dey will get something nice to eat.
“I guh mek sure dey get education and become something in life,” she pledged.
