Aaaaaaaahhhhh! In case you’re wondering that’s my version of a sigh.
It can also be an expression of pleasure, frustration or perhaps pain, anger or the pent up need to hit someone. Anyone. Any volunteers? Relax, I would never hit you. After all you pay to read this stuff, well maybe. So I’ll be nice.
Well, if you really must know why I’m in such a mood, it may have something to do with the fact that today, the day I’m writing this, is my birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah; I know I should be thankful for another year of life. But there are buts.
What do you think of on birthdays? I think of sagging mammary glands, wrinkly circles under my eyes, sagging mammary glands, drooping cheeks, sagging mammary glands, unused muscles which I may perhaps lose and alas, sagging mammary glands.
I also think of another year gone in which I have achieved nothing. Another year gone in which I have done nothing of worth to improve the world or etch my name in history. However, being the vain woman that I am, I mostly think about ageing.
Ageing isn’t a problem for you? Oh please (there’s a word I’d love to add in front these two but publishing guidelines demand that I don’t). You’re lying. Everyone is concerned about ageing. Ageing! Ugh! Ageing! Why me? Oh, why me?
Now if I were a man I’d be thinking about my reproductive organ especially. Time is a wretch which sneaks up on us. Time is like a woman; she is nice to you in the beginning but in the end she nags and nags and then she knees you in that most sensitive part of your body. It’s your wake up call.
It’s when you realize that you need to stop being stupid. It’s time to acknowledge the wretch. It’s time to bow to her and admit that she wields the ultimate power. She has the one thing that you want, she has the past; she has your youth.
So you see? Do you understand now? Do you get why I sigh in such a fashion?
Wow, thank you. I feel so much better. It really helps to share this with you. You have no idea how horrible the birthday has been to me. While I’m smiling and handing chocolate cake to my colleagues the thing that consumes my mind most is what gravity will do to my body.
Alright so I’m exaggerating. There is actually a bright side to this. I’ve actually had a few good laughs. I mean, imagine I’m in my 20s and stressing so much about it. What must be going through the minds of older people, I wonder? They must be pulling their hair out! Well, those who have hair to pull out anyway.
Seriously though, I guess what bothers me the most about ageing – and it isn’t the looking unsexy bit – is the fact that the older I get the older the people I love will get. I suppose birthdays bother me so much because I know that I am on my way to the elderly section of the population and they are on their way to a place beyond this world. (srh.midnight@gmail.com)
