The President’s guards – eight of them we are told – took leave of absence from watching His Excellency’s back to run wid a lil hustle pon de side. The President’s protectors were seen hustlin in de premises of an East Bank sand business. As the story goes they went on a brukkin up spree. It transpires that they were acting as enforcers for a foreign businessman who had a problem with the owner of the sand business. Presidential Guards working as private bully boys! As ole people seh we bring we pigs to a fine market! Where is our Republic going?
People have already begun to ask questions…………like if is eight uh dem been brukkin up de people place how many uh dem lef back fuh look after de President.
Somebody call de police and de police arrest de police. Is a wonder deh aint had big gunplay. Rumour has it that the President’s boys try to pull rank but the arresting officers din fall fuh dat. Deh march every man jack to Eve Leary.
As the story goes de top security brass spend several hours contemplating whether to admit that some of the President’s bodyguards are really part-time enforcers or to put out a press release saying people dressin up wid shirt jac and cutting deh hair low and posin like presidential guard. In de end somebody said something about not being able to fool all uh de people all uh de time. OP is “concerned,” Luncheon said. Well if “concern” is de best Luncheon can muster after Presidential Guards are caught behaving like common thugs on the say so of a foreign businessman, GOD HELP WE!
And up to twenty four hours after de story of how deh bruk up de place dun deh all over de country Luncheon said he was still seeking to determine whether the Presidential Guards were involved in “illegal, improper, unlawful activities.” Well from where me stand Dr. Luncheon, brukking up private property is dat an more. Is scandalous, is lawless and is downright shameful. And as for your uncertainty as to what they will be charged with, any court can find a dozen things, ranging from trespass to malicious destruction of property to throw at dem.
But then you have bigger problems, Dr. Luncheon. You is still HPS and we need to hear more from you. We need to know whether tings suh bad wid Mr. Jagdeo guards dat deh gat to hire deh self out fuh do people dutty; and who pick these boys to guard we President, Dr. Luncheon? and who really runnin the Presidential Guard? and do they carry official firearms when they not guardin de President? and wuh gun happen now Uncle Roger? Wuh YUH GUN COME UP WID? Maybe yuh could she something like “the government wishes to communicate to the populace as a whole its profound concern over this unexpected development while offering its fulsome assurances that the alternative pursuits of the guardsmen did not, at any material point in time, compromise His Excellency’s personal safety. At the same time the administration wishes to offer fulsome assurances of a comprehensive and transparent probe of this dastardly occurrence and the imposition of the severest possible penalty on those persons implicated therein.” Dat more or less fits in with the kind of thing Uncle Roger would say.
The problem that arises now is who to put to guard de President. After all we can’t run de risk dat de boys might get a sudden call to do lil enforcin wuk sum other place, some other time an lef de President high and dry.
