Several years ago Mary (not her real name) an American citizen met a man and like many women before her she finally thought she had met the man of her dreams. But after years of physical, verbal, mental and emotional abuse, sojourns in hospitals and 911 calls she only wished that the day he walked into her life had been a figment of her imagination.
She met the Guyanese man at a boxing gym in Brooklyn, New York and two weeks later they exchanged numbers. A red flag was shoved in front of her when a woman called her number and told her she was pregnant for the man. He denied this and swept her off her feet with sweet nothings and quickly moved into the home she shared with three children.
It was then she learnt that he was married to a woman who had a child for him, both of whom were still in Guyana. He said they were in the process of getting divorced which he said was finalized shortly after.
However, seven months after they had a civil wedding she leant that he was still married to the woman in Guyana and that he was actually illegally in the US.
The man she married was one of the two Guyanese boxers who had jumped ship while they were in transit in the US after representing Guyana in the Pan American Box-Off in La Paz, Mexico in April 2003.
Today, Mary says they are still married (one wonders how could that be since he was married to another woman when they reportedly tied the knot) but are separated after she finally got the strength to kick him out of the house; however, he remains in the US.
She is speaking out about her years of abuse and reached out to Stabroek News to share the story of a man who ‘married’ her for the sole purpose of becoming regularized in the US. He abused her for years and when he knew the end was nigh he forced her to sign documentation to “fix his papers” while she was recovering from brain surgery and was experiencing difficulty seeing.
“Bottom line, this man simply ‘boxed for a passport’ – made his way to the United States, conned me and married me to get his papers. This man forced me to complete the application form for citizenship after I came home from having surgery. I told him that I couldn’t see well, but I still did it because I didn’t want him to hit me again,” the woman said during an email interview with this newspaper.
Five years later after denying that a woman in the US was pregnant for him it was proven that he was indeed the child’s father after a Family Court judge forced him to take a paternity test.
“In the beginning [name of the man] told me that he had planned to let his nephew take the test for him, so that the results would come back negative, and he told me that he told the girl to get an abortion, but she refused. After hearing all of this, I told him that if he was man enough to make the child then he should mind the child if it turns out to be his,” the woman recalled.
It turned out the child is his and now he has three children in the US, two with her and one with another woman.
‘Verbal’
Mary revealed that initially the abuse was just verbal, which began about three months after they got married and was pregnant with a child she later miscarried.
After some years of physical abuse Mary said she started to feel unwell, but was always talked out of going to the hospital by the man who told her that nothing was wrong with her and that it was “all in my mind.”
“And I never went because if I had pushed the issue – he’d get angry,” she explained, but when she became unstable on her feet she decided that she had to make that hospital visit and so it was on October 9, 2011 that she finally did so. Surprisingly he accompanied her, and after she was examined the doctor told her she would have to undergo brain surgery. While the doctor later told her that the problem was not caused by her being repeatedly punched in the head over the years, Mary is convinced that the man’s abuse of her caused her to be hospitalised. She recalled one time he had beaten her so badly that she was hospitalised and while he was arrested she never followed through with the investigation.
She finally decided to end the “relationship/marriage” with the man after he told her that “that the doctors didn’t dig deep enough into my head” when they had diagnosed her with a brain problem.
“He said this to me with a smirk on his face,” she revealed, and it was then she told him to get out of the home before she called the police.
For her that ultimatum was given because she wanted to spare the children from having a “crowd of police walking through our house again,” since they had been through a lot.
After he was kicked out he called her several times and left messages begging to return, all of which she ignored.
Less than a year ago his mother passed away in the US and her body was brought back to Guyana for burial, and Mary said returned to Guyana for the first time. She said she is amazed that the authorities did not apprehend her ‘spouse’ as he attempted to return, as his abscondence to the US “was worldwide via the internet.” She has also reported him to the relevant US authorities and according to her Homeland Security is now investigating.
He remains in the US and she said he lives somewhere in Long Island “running wild and free” with stay-away orders against him.
“Sometimes the police can’t even catch up with him to serve him court papers. He’s been arrested a [number] of times, three of them related to domestic violence. The other one was for patronizing a prostitute,” Mary said.
He reportedly offered the prostitute US$5 and the discussion was recorded.
Asked what kept her in the relationship for all those years Mary said she wanted at least two of her children to have their father around since it was something she was denied while growing up.
She raises her children on her own as he makes no contact with them and does not contribute to their upbringing. While they were negatively impacted by her years of abuse Mary said today they are happy and are maintaining good grades in school, even though at times they do remember the man and talk about how he made their lives miserable.
“I’m just thankful to be alive. Unlike many others, I can talk about my experience. I speak for those that have lost their lives and those that are too afraid. Something seriously needs to be done about domestic violence,” the survivor said.
We regret that there is no Sunday Arts column this week.
