Airline travel these days is often a taxing and frequently painful experience. Late flights are common (the usual hollow excuse is “the aircraft is being cleaned”); all the jetways are occupied so the plane has to sit on the tarmac; you arrive, but your suitcase doesn’t; your suitcase arrives, but it’s minus the handle; the list goes on. In the air, as well, the experience is becoming less and less enjoyable. On a recent trip to North America, travelling on four different airlines, I was struck by the widespread deterioration of in-flight services even on international flights. Some services have been curtailed; pillows, formerly easily available, are now rationed (one airline had only 12). Blankets, which are almost a necessity in the frigid aircraft cabins, are also scarce; if you don’t ask early you’re out of luck.
Most regular travellers know that free snacks are almost extinct on domestic flights, but you can get onboard eats – for a fee. Headphones have been either curtailed, or deleted altogether, on four different airlines I use, or are available – for a fee. Flying from New York to Miami recently I told the flight attendant as I boarded, “Soon, we’ll be standing up unless we pay extra for the seat.” (She gave me of those over-the-spectacles cold Frigidaire stares, but as you will see later I was being a prophet.)
Particularly in situations such as the one in Guyana, where we are essentially confined to only one scheduled international carrier, the game is rigged against the traveller, so that the regional fares which dropped overnight, with the arrival of Red Jet service, jumped back up again, just as suddenly, mere days after that Irish operation went out of business.
There’s a reality operating here: all those cutbacks and eliminations are taking place because demand is exceeding supply. Think about it: there was a time on long international flights where you would often get a whole row of seats to yourself so that you could stretch out and sleep. The fact that that doesn’t happen any more tells you that the folks who would come to an airport and wave you goodbye are now getting on the plane with you. More people have, or are provided, the wherewithal to travel than ever before, and while the airlines scream about high fuel prices they’re smiling behind the shout because they know that, despite the complaining letters in the press, the folks will keep coming; in today’s fast-paced life there is really only game in town for travellers. What alternative do we have for visiting our family in Toronto or New Jersey or England? Ocean travel? The blimp? It’s the airlines or nothing, and they know it, so the squeeze is not about to ease.
If you want proof of that, notice this week’s suggestion from a major US airline that they are introducing an annual baggage fee of some US$450 which would allow you two 50-lb bags free, but that arrangement is worthwhile only if you’re flying somewhere almost every month. For the occasional traveller, the norm soon will be US$25 per bag, or you can rent a car and hit the road. On a recent trip from Miami to Portland, Maine, baggage charges for my wife and me were actually higher than the ticket to fly. And here comes another new wrinkle: Michael O’Leary, boss of the Irish international airline Ryanair, says they are considering providing stand-up seats at the back of the plane (you’re strapped in standing up) for less money. Of 120,000 people polled 2/3 said they would consider the cheap flight for a standing seat on one-hour flights. Of course that’s in Ireland, and knowing the Irish addiction to Brother Booze you would have to suspect that more than half of that bunch responding were under several pints, if not under the table. Also, of course, Mister O’Leary has since said he was only engaging a public relations tease, but the suspicion remains that he was just testing the wind. O’Leary has to watch out; I wouldn’t be surprised to find an intoxicated Irish passenger, showing up at Shannon, swaying a bit and saying, “Ah cum far mi standoop seat.”
O’Leary, who has gained a reputation as an innovator with his reduced fares, has also been reported as saying Ryanir was contemplating extra charges for large passengers, “a fat tax”, and, believe it or not, coin-operated toilets. A Ryanair official has since said that they have decided against the “fat tax” because the process of applying it at airports would be difficult and expensive to implement, but it seems the coin-operated toilets idea is still on the table, or the lavatory. Of course it goes without saying that Guyanese or Caribbean coins won’t open the door on one of those devices, so imagine the quandary of Ramanarine from Corriverton being caught by a call of nature at 33,000 feet.
As with all of these evolutions that are beyond our control, it helps to maintain a sense of humour. As a Trinidadian friend of mine recently put it, “What to do, padna? They have we, you know. You might as well laugh, oui.” His attitude reminded me of being on an Air Canada flight about 12 years ago with Tradewinds going to play in Halifax, Nova Scotia. We were sitting on the Toronto tarmac, doors closed, everybody strapped in, ready to go, and the captain came on the intercom to say that the flight would be departing 10 minutes late. Ten minutes later he reported again. “Ladies and gentlemen, to update that departure, we will now be 15 minutes late. I apologise for this delay, but the machine we use to break your suitcases is not working, and we’re having to do it by hand.” Mind you, I would be very surprised to find that pilot still an Air Canada employee, but his application of humour that day calmed a testy situation.
Of course, these airline occasions do indeed raise one’s ire, and I can imagine the outcry at the approach I’m suggesting. “Martins, you mad? Laugh at this double security check going through Trinidad? Laugh at these ridiculous fares, and the late flights, and the dry cardboard food you get these days? Laugh at no blankets and no pillows?”
To which I must sympathetically echo my Trini friend: “They have we, you know, and crying will not help, so you might as well laugh.”
