By Karen De Souza
Most adults in Guyana agree – without even thinking about it – on how to treat very young children. Of course, even at this stage of development we know of situations where a fretful, colicky baby in the care of a stressed and unhappy mother might be treated to some slaps to stop fretting; but typically, from birth until a child is able to walk around and explore, adults will fuss over them; lots of smiles, cuddles, conversation (even if in ‘nonsense’ language), encouragement, teaching via lots of repetition – clap – hands, as the child learns to creep, walk and talk. We encourage the child to mimic us, and successful mimicry is greeted with joy, rewards and more encouragement.
But when the child begins to talk and is able to move confidently enough to explore and investigate with some independence, adult encouragement and approval begins to be withdrawn. A child running around touching things he or she should not touch (or that we say he or she should not touch) becomes a problem. We no longer devote the time and attention to modelling the behaviour we want the child to practise. Almost overnight we are transformed from smiling, encouraging people to sergeant-majors, barking instructions. This is where we begin to shut down a child’s self-confidence, willingness to explore and be creative. From here, our responses grow more punitive and disengaged from the child.
This is when all the old proverbs come out: children must be seen not heard, spare the rod and spoil the child – and at this stage the dominant adult responses are punishment (often physical) and prohibitions – “NO, don’t do that!”
Why is any of this relevant to a discussion of child abuse?
Because this is where abuse starts!
It is easy to express outrage about a child who has sustained a physical injury as a result of a whipping in school or being raped. We find it easy to point the finger at a mother whose apparent neglect results in her child being injured in one way or another; (in Red Thread we call this kind of neglect “apparent” when the reason for it is that a mother has no choice but to leave the child to go make some money, and the society does not give a damn about that). To this extent we have national consensus about what constitutes child abuse.
But child abuse goes well beyond this and it is happening in our homes, in our schools, and in the institutions the state runs to “protect” children. This is hard to pull together in a few words so I will just list some examples at random. Abuse happens wherever there is adult reluctance or inability to recognise that every child has and must be allowed to have his/her own personality, and therefore has and must be allowed to have individual responses to different situations – responses that may not fit into the boxes that make us comfortable. It happens when a child who is different in any way – including in his or her sexual identity – is ridiculed wherever he or she goes, including home. It happens when we don’t take into account the world that is being opened up to our children via technology and the impact this is having on them. It is there every time we complain about “these out of control, unmannerly and criminal children” and do not reflect on how we as adults have contributed to the damage to they have sustained. It is there in the thousands of teenagers in our school system who cannot read; in the thousands upon thousands who are not allowed to express their opinions, who have no hope for the future except maybe to be alive; in the fact that our policy makers are spending scarce resources to discuss whether we should beat children in schools or not, rather than finding the resources to provide support to the teachers to enhance the learning environment and counsel the children who are unable to participate in regular classes.
There are very few adults who would not want children to be happy and healthy, to mature into creative, confident, compassionate adults fulfilling their dreams. So what is it we disagree about, then? The divergence is between the dominant approach that assumes that only very young children need encouragement and patience and visible love and the approach that recognises that at every stage, children need more than shelter and food, that they need to be respected and mentored, that they need to be taught to reason and by example.
We are facing a crisis of child abuse in Guyana, and these abused children are not just the ones reported by the Child Care and Protection Agency. Our children are in crisis, and this crisis cannot be addressed by using punitive measures against those who offend, or by pointing fingers at parents who cannot cope, usually because the economic system makes them unable to cope. The agencies with responsibilities in these areas must be given the resources – skills and financial – to do more than the surface-scratching that’s now happening. Those set up for children who cannot cope at home must do more than warehouse them. We, all adults, have to recognise our responsibility to the children of this country, and organise to make some changes. There is no more urgent or immediate priority.
