Guys? How do you look for Miss Right? How do you get a girlfriend? Does the hissing and the hustling work? I mean is this a decent way (or any way at all) to get a committed partner? Can you find anyone decent by shouting at her, “Ey baby! Yuh lookin’ like pine tart deh! Crispy, sweet and juicy!” Like seriously?
Ladies? How do you get boyfriends? Do you flirt, proposition or call the shots in the relationship? If you’re looking for a decent guy you can settle down with, would a sloppy approach work?
You get what you deserve, and who you are with is usually a reflection of who you are.
What happens is: I see you, you see me. I like you, you like me. We are in a relationship. The thing is, this is all fine and dandy during the first few weeks, maybe a month or two and then the glamour wears away and the falling out starts.
The reason this occurs is because all the while, you have been with a complete stranger. You did not take the time to get to know the person before getting committed.
And the worst thing of all is saying “I love you” when you hardly know the person. I love my dog more than I love someone I was dating for five months, why? I know my dog. And by the way, I am not kissing someone I do not even know. (I am not going to kiss my dog though, I am sure she is not interested in me.)
Things fall apart when you rush into them. Hence there is a lot of unfaithfulness out there. You have to decide if you want an emotional and spiritual connection, or just hanky panky. Instant gratification is just, well instant. When the fuel burns out too quickly, what is left is boredom. And after all the fights with your ‘committed stranger’ there is a void that needs to be filled. Rather than end what is clearly a failed relationship, couples resort to cheating with some other stranger.
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. But how do you trust someone you don’t really know? Sadly, some folks do. They dish out all their stories, fears, and experiences. When things go south that stranger, if she/he so desires can misuse this information to hurt.
Do not even get me started on rebound relationships; when you exit one relationship and jump into another for the comfort or to make your ex jealous. What you’re doing is hurting yourself and that someone else you’re using. That is dangerous.
The cure for all of this? Love yourself first. I am not talking about being selfish or narcissistic, but I am saying you need to know what is best for you and what you want, how you want it and when you want it. Nothing has to be rushed.
Know what you are worth and find someone who recognises that worth. Date. Go out. Get to know each other. Don’t take that next step until you’re sure. You should feel inspired, encouraged, loved, cared for and you should be reciprocating. That’s when you commit. Not a minute before.
Next week, I want to look at dating in Guyana. (Jairo Rodrigues)