On his sacking by England:
“They needed a scapegoat, preferably someone big, boisterous and annoying. Somebody with a little history. Somebody who left colourful footprints on the pristine white carpets. I didn’t always tread wisely. I was often naive and sometimes stupid. I was no villain, though.
“I’ve read there is a ‘dossier’, a four-page document that lists my crimes in Australia. Fifty crimes. The problem is, it doesn’t actually exist. If a dossier did exist the ECB would have a reason to sack me.”
On Andy Flower:
“Contagiously sour. Infectiously dour. He could walk into a room and suck all the joy out of it in five seconds. Just a Mood Hoover. That’s how I came to think of him.
On the England team environment:
“A clique choked our team… and Andy Flower let that clique grow like a bad weed.
“The dressing room slowly became the territory of the biggest mouths among the bowlers – and a wicketkeeper. They ran an exclusive club. If you’re outside that clique, you were fair game for mocking, ridicule, bullying.”
On the Ashes whitewash:
“It’s Flower who was the problem. Walking around with that ‘somebody stole our legacy’ face. The environment was horrendous.”
On Matt Prior:
“I’m the one who’s always been labelled as the uncontrollable individualist, the ego maniac, the arrogant, flash, materialistic South African. But when I close my eyes in the dressing room I can’t help wondering why. Every tour I hear Prior getting louder and louder. Pump up the volume. Pump up the volume.”
“The Big Cheese had matured and grown too large for his little box.”
On his international career:
“I’m not prepared to accept I will never play for England again … I believe the governing of English cricket could change; I believe it should change. I am happy for now, but I would be happy to come back. Anything can happen in cricket.”
On Alastair Cook:
“I know, though, that while Cooky is a nice man, he is also a company man. A safe pair of hands; he won’t rock the boat.”
On Stuart Broad:
“I’m not sure if Broad is the sharpest tool in the box.”
On Peter Moores:
“Whatever dial is in Peter Moore’s head, it can’t be turned down to ‘chill’. The man can’t relax. I could never relax when he was around. He was always around.”
“He’s a nice guy but like a human triple espresso – so intense.”
On leaving South Africa to play for England:
“One big mistake was not respecting South Africa and what it stands for. Not respecting South Africa and what the country gave me in terms of living there for 19 happy years … I realise too that South Africa was my first home and my real home.”
On the IPL:
“When the IPL came into existence, all the ECB could see was the IPL’s money and its own jealousy.”
On the KP Genius Twitter account:
“I was left feeling isolated and bullied, but nobody seemed too bothered as long as I did my performing-seal routine when I went out to bat.” (Cricinfo)
