Dear Editor,
Every time I read in the Guyanese news media of the death of yet another victim of domestic abuse, I can’t help somehow wishing women would be more selective in their choice of mates. Currently, there exists in Guyana an urgent need for the females, especially the young ones, to be taught the finer points of partner selection. Why are the women making these bad choices over and over again? I am however mindful of the fact that in the majority of cases economic vulnerability does restrict their ability to be independent, thereby forcing them to operate under the ‘before none, any’ rationale when choosing a partner. Yet, as we head towards International Women’s Day I am sending out an impassioned plea to my Guyanese sisters to begin the process of rigorous self-scrutiny. Are they living up to expectations, or has their self-esteem reached such a pitiable level that they would settle for anything bearing the slightest resemblance to the opposite sex?
The time is at hand to put into motion the change promised by the present government, in the form of a comprehensive approach geared at empowering females. Promoting the economic empowerment of women is also vital. Many women in Guyana find it difficult to support and sustain themselves and their families. This economic vulnerability restricts their ability to be independent and to access justice. Not for a second should it be forgotten that not only are females the bedrock of our society, but they are also its nurturers. Society would collapse in the absence of women.
The killing of women by their spouses or partners has often been attributed to love. This is the message that is often thrown in the public’s ear following each death. The truth, however, is as plain as daylight: men do not kill out of love, but out of a desire to control. “If I can’t have you, then no one will” is the common refrain uttered by abusive partners. Another well-known fact is that females are most at risk when they try to leave their abusive partners.
Did a broken heart lead the men to commit homicide? No, it is simply a matter of control, where they think that they own the female. Men who kill their partners tend to be possessive and jealous with a strong sense of entitlement. These men would rather see the woman dead than face the reality of rejection, or the notion that women are free agents who can make choices about their lives. When we talk about domestic violence or violence against women as passionate, or something attached to love and heartache, the more we excuse things like male entitlement.
Women (and men too) have had their hearts broken in the most unfair and grotesque manner, and yet the woman has not sought to remedy it by killing the perpetrator. Today in Guyana domestic violence is a gendered crime and we must treat it as such. No longer must the blatant truth be disguised, as it will only lead to further violence. I am hereby calling on all the appropriate governmental agencies, pastors, community leaders, parents, teachers, mentors, role models, etc, to take a serious look at the issue, and assist in stemming the tide.
Yours faithfully,
Yvonne Sam
