While growing up, Emancipation Day was one of highlights of my life. Every July 31st, the anticipation for the libation and other cultural expressions, such as the music, dance, poetry and drama, made me wish that time would go faster. The food, greetings and lectures about how far we had come all created a festive atmosphere and the call of the drums always made me feel like dancing. The libation at midnight was something I did not fully understand until later in life, but it was a time when I felt pride.
Then there came a time during my early teens when the delight in Emancipation remained, but I was mindful about expressing myself through dance when I heard the drums or any kind of music that provoked my natural rhythms. I was mindful because I was involved in a religion that frowned on such. The gyrations that the drums and any music thought vulgar brought on were thought to be lewd and you often heard whisperings about African practices being wrong or evil. It was a confusing time in my life because on one hand I felt the natural urge to move to the rhythms of the drums and fully engage in the remnants of the culture of those who were enslaved, but on the other hand I was wondering if God would be displeased with me. That confusion took away from the complete joy of Emancipation until I found my freedom.
The older and more enlightened I became, the meaning of Emancipation changed. I eventually fully understood the act of honouring ancestors through libation and it became a spiritual experience for me. I was no longer afraid to dance. I knew that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me expressing myself in an authentic way. Emancipation was no longer just about the food, clothes, drums and other cultural expressions; it was not only about the fact that in 1838 our ancestors were freed from physical slavery, but it became a time of drawing strength from what they would have endured. It became a time of meditating on the possibilities for the future. It became a time of analysing how far we have come collectively and a time of questioning whether most of us were really free in our minds. The things I would observe and hear, the experiences of being taunted for being a dark skinned child and the attitude of folks who would dishonour everything their ancestors fought for dispelled the idea of holistic freedom.
The idea that there is something wrong with darker skin continues to permeate the thinking of many. When statements like, “Oh gosh look he/she black!” are uttered with mockery or when someone is referred to as a ‘Tar-Baby’ with disgust or humour, it exposes the fact that some of the children of those Africans who survived the Middle Passage are still poisoned by how ‘massa’ lynched their culture and pride. The lynching has therefore evolved into a kinsfolk’s affair. Disdain for thick or kinky hair continues to confront us on a daily basis by those who are ill informed. And even though there is an awakening now called the Natural Hair Movement, many women who have returned to natural have had negativity directed towards them by those who suffer from the inferiority syndrome. The idea that someone would express disgust for what is natural exposes how deeply psychologically damaged some of us are. These are some of the same folks who dream about changing their features.
“You have a nice nose” and “You have European features” are comments I’ve heard throughout my life.
It disturbs me. What are European features? Aren’t there many other people of my ethnicity who look like me? I’ve seen many. It’s led me to do research on whether there were tribes on the African continent with features like mine and I was satisfied when I saw many faces that looked like me.
But there was always something about having that “straight nose.” Then, a few years ago, I had a disturbing experience with a young woman. “You have a nice nose,” she said to me, “When I get rich I will fix mine.”
There was nothing wrong with her nose, so it puzzled me. Why would someone want to change the beautiful nose they were born with? What experiences pushed that young woman to think like that?
Then there is the bleaching phenomenon. Men and women engaged in a quest for what they consider to be more beautiful. But when one has not been taught the fullness of their history or has made no efforts to learn or is simply not interested, the results will be devastating. We are seeing the results of children who are lost. But when from childhood even the God one is assigned looks like those who were the “massas” and the media continuously feeds the idea that lighter is better, what could be the results for those who are not conscious?
Studying history in school, I cannot recall ever being taught anything outside of the fact that there was slavery and indentureship, then we were free. But we have to ask ourselves, what freedom really means? In 178 years, yes, we all as Guyanese, whether we were indentured servants or enslaved, have worked and developed this country. But in many ways, the thoughts that were implanted in those ancestors who were enslaved, still govern many lives today.
Freedom comes first from knowing who you are. It comes from acknowledging the past, but making a conscious decision to not allow the pain from it to control you.
There are folks who become angry when they think about what was done during one of the darkest periods in world history and their emotions are valid, but one has to find a way to stay in the present while not forgetting, but learning from the past. One has to deal with the modern day slavery that has taught a people that the culture they evolved from was or is immoral; that tells little boys and girls that the way they look is not attractive enough, which leads them to become adults obsessed with changing the images they see in the mirror. One has to deal with the modern slavery that tells people that material possessions are the answers to life’s problems and define who they are; that steers them away from having a human experience where they grow holistically.
To be free means being able to express one’s self in a genuine way. It means that you are in charge of the direction your life takes. If there is someone or a system telling you that it is not okay to be the authentic you and you believe it, then your complete freedom sits on the edges of your being inviting you to fully embrace what it really means; calling you to leave those chains on your minds behind.
