Growing up she had the same dreams as many young girls: get an education, get a career, meet her knight in shining armour and start an ideal family.
But at 36 and three children later she acknowledges that somewhere along the line something went wrong and today this single parent is literally fighting for survival. It is not that she is looking for assistance because at present she has a stable job and a salary which is much better than that earned by many others, but she is still haunted by the demon of an unfortunate past.
She tells her story freely but prefers to do it anonymously because of her job and also because she wants to protect her children and relatives, but were it not for that Marlyn (not her real name) would tell her story from the mountain top if given the opportunity.
Marlyn is forced to leave a teenage daughter and two young sons alone for long hours as she toils at her job, and this has created an untenable situation that has seen her daughter involved in constant confrontations with neighbours.
“Instead of them seeing me ‒ a single mother ‒ trying to make a living and look out for my children, they instead buse out with my daughter who I must say answers them back. I try to talk to her and I am praying that she changes but I was hoping they would have seen she is a child,” the distraught woman told the Sunday Stabroek in a recent interview.
She blames herself, not only because she is forced to leave her children alone as she toils for their bread and butter but because in many instances her daughter retaliates when the neighbours ‒ all of whom are females ‒ curse her about her mother. “They tell her things about me and she gets upset and she answer back…it is because of my past and things I did and things that happen to me that they tell her about…” she said resignedly.
Things came to a head recently when the constant ‘buse-outs’ escalated and became physical and the child was dealt a good thrashing, although according to the adult neighbours she also fought them.
Seeing the bruises on her child and the state she was in the mother reported the matter to the police. During the investigation many allegations were made, chief among them being the fact she left leaving the children alone at home and “they walking the streets whole day.” The police officers indicated that they would “get welfare involved” but the shock came when they informed the child’s mother that she would be charged along with the adults.
Why? “Because she fight back,” the woman responded even as she pointed out that her daughter had visible marks of violence and the adults had none. “She said they beat her with a paling stave,” the woman recounted almost in tears.
Marlyn is educated and articulate and is well known, yet many days she feels helpless. Being told that her child would be charged and that welfare would be involved she visited the Child Care & Protection Agency and was advised on the options available to her. These include leaving the children in state care for six months until she can find suitable accommodation or find someone to take care of them while she is at work and the agency will pay the individual.
The first option is not one being considered and she is desperately attempting to find someone to take care of her children before school re-starts tomorrow, the same day she is expected back at her job after being allowed a few days off. She has also reported the matter to the Rights of the Child Commission and approached the Legal Aid Clinic for representation for the child.
It is expected that when the child appears in court tomorrow representatives from all three bodies will be in court. In the interim she is desperately seeking to move from the community where she now lives.
“I can’t continue to live in that area it is not good for my children and I just want to move away from my neighbours,” she said, even though she is very much aware that her income does not leave her with many choices.
‘Come a far way’
Even as she battles this current difficult situation Marlyn says she is still thankful to the God she serves because looking back she has come a long way from where she was just about three years ago. She had reached a stage where she was ready to take her life and those of her children “and was it not for a living God I know we would not be here today.”
The young mother is unable to chronicle accurately where the downward spiral of her life began. It could have been when she was forced to leave her job because of relationship issues, or maybe when the father of her children stopped supporting her or maybe when she started to experience the worst kind of domestic violence.
Or maybe it was just a combination, but she knows a day came when she could have been described as being insane.
“I can tell you I was mad…I was doing things that I knew to myself that was not right but I did them anyway. I don’t know if it was the beating I experienced because at one time I felt like I deserved it and I would do things and beg him to beat me,” she said quietly, as she recalled that time in her life when her then partner beat her if a man so much as smiled at her.
At that time she was working and living in the interior hoping to better provide for her children who were left with a relative. But apart from the beatings and the public humiliation there is little else she got from her time in the area even though in her own words, “I worked like a dog.”
Marlyn’s story is tragic and at times blood curdling, but yet she tells it in a matter-of-fact manner. Raped more than once, beaten by the men in her life who were supposed to love her and walking miles in the interior until the soles of her feet were blistered, does not aptly tell her life’s story.
Even though she had a profession for many years Marlyn also attempted to make it in the ‘gold bush’ on several occasions because two of her partners were gold miners. She recalls that at one time she even attempted to make it on her own after being presented with a pump by a relative and she moved to an area “where gold was making.” “I did not even know I was raiding until police and other men with big guns put us off the land.”
But it was on her return to the city after her final trip to the interior that she believes she was at rock bottom and it was from that point her life thankfully took a turn for the better.
“I tell you it become so bad that we did not have nothing to eat in the house and my son he can’t bear hunger and he would start crying and then the others would start crying. So it come to a point where as soon I as see them start to cry I would start hollering and we would all be hollering and the neighbours would hear. At that point I know I was mad but I just couldn’t help myself.”
Maybe the turning point came when Marlyn believed that a “voice told me kill yourself and when I said what about the children it said kill them too…I was hanging out clothes and I said to myself I need God.”
She reached out and religion became her solace and while some may want to call her a fanatic she does not mind because for her it is her religious beliefs and her brothers and sisters in faith who helped her and continue to help her.
It is because of those ‘bad days’ as she puts it, and other experiences that her neighbours now have ammunition to torment her daughter and why Marlyn says she has to move away from the area. She believes that a new environment and counselling will help the children as she is afraid she may lose them.
“It is like a cycle because my thirteen-year-old daughter and eight-year-old son are now saying they don’t want to live anymore. It is not like I wanted to kill myself at their age but I know a few years ago that is what I wanted to do.”
Looking back Marlyn continues to question how her life could have taken the path it took, but she is determined to work and save the lives of her young children, and would continue to reach out to the system for assistance. “I am happy I have a job and I would continue to work, but we need support even if it is just counselling the children.”
As to why she is telling her story Marlyn said that while she knows her struggle continues there are some persons who may be experiencing worse and she wants them to know that there is always hope.
“People would give up on you, but God never gives up on you and things can happen to anyone. I mean look at me many years ago, no one would have guessed this is how my life would turn out. But I have found that the bible is true and I will continue to read it and believe in it.”
Tomorrow is a new day for her and she prays that the justice system is merciful and understanding to her daughter even as she works towards removing her family from the community by the end of this week.
