Dear Editor,
As 2016 drifts away from the centre, and not a moment too soon, the time has come to recognize some singular citizens through deserving national awards. Those who earned them are now hailed accordingly. After all, the Christmas Season comes soon.
I recognize Mr Paul Fraser as Man of the Year for his display of conspicuous gallantry in that lamentable minibus incident. Law-abiding citizens should be inspired to imitate. On the other hand, that reported unmoving army presence inside the minibus is declared Slacker of the Year for his gross dereliction of duty toward a needy citizen. I recommend a stint in the stockade for meditation and spiritual discovery.
Next, the prize for Absentee Government Stewards goes to the joint winners who are none other than the Prime Minister and the Minister of Education. It is a tribute to the deafening silence that accompanies their immeasurable contributions. Achievements and contributions are immeasurable because they are invisible and intangible; the unkind would claim that they could be imaginary too.
Then, there is continuing clamour for Minister of the Year to be given to David Patterson. I hesitate, but allow myself to be swayed by the groundswell of support for the man. I could live with myself on this one, as there is not much competition to unleash any claims of cronyism and cheating.
Moving merrily along, the trophy for Best Disappearing Act goes to the former head of NICIL. Only in Guyana, can someone go from the irrepressible combinations of chairman, CEO, president, superintendent, overseer, and foreman for over half the country’s enterprises to the reclusiveness and eccentricity of a Howard Hughes in double quick time. I do understand, as there are reports of lots of germs (and sleuths too) on the loose in Georgetown, especially in state managed holdings.
Runner-up for the Best Disappearing Act is none other than the one who went from general secretary to general nonentity. Politics do indeed make for some strange bedfellows, and even more peculiar orientations. I hope that the pasture in which he has been put is appropriately ring-fenced.
Policeman of the Year is the property of Assistant Commissioner Conway. Yes, I know he is retired a while now. But he still gets the shield. Move over and be patient good shepherd; your day will come, as long as the slingshots keep swinging and targeting.
Best Performing State Board of the Year must be presented to the one that has not said anything foolish or damning publicly. Now which one would that be?
The games must go on, and the local Academy Award for Best Actor belongs hands down to the meteorologist-at-large now transformed into political cosmetologist. I knew those greenhouse gases were not good for the medulla oblongata. Nonetheless, all those desiring a facelift have to do is read his commercials; they are called press releases. For those in need of conditioning and foundation and mascara and a full facial, this is the one. Warts and wrinkles, blemishes and blotches, and time disappears. Just look at what was done for the opposition party’s countenance and image. There is no aging, or the memories of failings that should haunt and bring heartfelt contrition. Where I come from, and by my standards, such behaviour is called rank hypocrisy of the most vulgar sort. But it is the great Guyanese political way.
One more: the honour and prestige of Greatest MPC (Multi Political Corporation) is extended to that local conglomerate with the well-known initials, and that announces itself to be multinational in reach. I remember that Mr Allen Stanford laid claim to the same pride of place in gullible Antigua.
The awards ceremony is scheduled to be held at Camp Ayanganna, during the celebration of that newest Guyanese imitation: Halloween. Let it be clear from now: the media is considered persona non grata.
Even if I say so myself, I am convinced that these national awards should take precedence, if not altogether replace, the burgeoning farce that exists for this same purpose. I assert that the ones presented here today align far more closely with domestic realities, and give deserving jacks their jackets, no matter how shabby. Who would dare to argue with truth?
Last, I respectfully urge the President not to be perturbed at being left out. A special commemoration is being contemplated. There is only one small problem: it may neither be liked nor found amusing.
Yours faithfully,
GHK Lall
