I would imagine that no one pictures their child/children being in a sex tape at any point in their lives. Many try to ignore the fact that one day their children will be interested in sex – perhaps even convincing themselves that their ‘innocence’ will last forever. Some are afraid to broach the subject with their children. Some keep putting it off for tomorrow and often when it is too late they realise that tomorrow was yesterday.
Following the latest circulation of sex tapes involving High School students, there has been condemnation of their generation; they have been labeled as immoral and said to be void of self-respect.
What is happening to our young people? Why are they making sex tapes? Where are the teachers when the tapes are being made? Are the children on drugs? Those are some of the questions that have been asked.
Many of the people rebuking the teenagers seem to have come from a time when boys and girls did not look at each other and sex outside of marriage was unheard of. But, of course, that’s a lie and the reality is that sex among school children is nothing new.
Many grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles would reminisce about their youth. How they managed to hide giving in to the wants and needs of the flesh; the secrecy thrilled them. Of course, in many instances, they were exposed. Pregnancies occurred and some young women would be sent away, while others stayed and endured the judgment of their relatives and the community.
So why are we so hard on the young people of today? And why do many behave like sex between young people is new whenever a sex tape is leaked?
I started Secondary School in 1994 and from the first form I knew people who were having sex. My first significant exposure was a friend who told me that she was sexually involved with a bus conductor. There was another friend in second form who was upset that she was not maturing fast enough to accommodate the demands of her sexual relationship. There was a couple that another friend and I spied on every midday. They would find themselves at the back of the school engaging in petting. And there were many other experiences throughout school life.
Sometimes, because one was not sexually active, one felt like the odd one, but there were many who chose to abstain and I do believe the majority. Many abstained because of their religious beliefs, because of their fears of their parents, disease or pregnancy, and because of the trusting relationships with their parents. Many simply chose to put sex on hold until they were older.
Today, we are living in a different time. The advent of smartphones has exposed what many of us knew was always happening in schools. Is it that young people today are more brazen? Is it that they do not respect themselves? Is it that there is disconnect between them and the adults who should be providing them with guidance? Or a combination of all those things?
While I believe that abstinence is the smartest choice for young people in school as it protects one from unplanned pregnancies, sexually-transmitted infections and other harmful outcomes, the reality is that not everyone will abstain. Some will give into their urges and have sex. So, besides preaching abstinence, we must also advise our young people how to protect themselves as uncomfortable as it might be for some of us.
Young people must be influenced to make wise choices. The making of sex tapes might be on impulse with regret later. It must be emphasised that when a video is shared, chances are that it will be around for a lifetime.
But perhaps some young people do not see the sex tapes as mistakes. Many probably think of it as fun. One of the unfortunate things about the tapes is that often it is the females’ identities that are exposed while the young men film, enjoy the pleasure or both. Maybe some never planned for the tapes to leak, but that is the purpose for others.
Sex is everywhere. The internet has made porn easily accessible. Television sells sex every day. It is in the music. Young people are constantly confronted with sexual images and ideas. They are also influenced by their peers.
But where are the parents in all this? What is their role when it comes to their children’s sexuality? Who is raising the children? The society? The teachers? The parents? Other relatives? Or a combination of all?
Indeed, it takes a village, but parents and guardians should have the greatest influence. We must become a society where more of us are comfortable talking about sex with our children from young. Even though some of our parents might not have done it with us, we should change the culture. Our children must feel comfortable talking to us about anything. And we must be comfortable enough to listen to them and share ideas.
While many suggest that the lack of corporal punishment is largely responsible for the behaviours of the young people, the issue is deeper than that. There is a thin line between discipline in the form of corporal punishment and abuse. In a society where gender-based violence and violence generally is so prevalent, do we truly believe that beating is the ultimate solution to prevent young people engaging in sexual activities, including the making of tapes? Many people were beaten and still did as they pleased.
It is time we deal honestly with the fact that the society is broken in many ways and partly because there has been a breakdown in parent to child communication. There are also many missing parents; mostly fathers. Many parents are so busy working that they do not even find time to ask their children about their day.
The young people who have made the tapes have been embarrassed enough. Saying to young people “don’t have sex” or threatening to beat them might work for some, but it isn’t the answer for all. While despite interventions there are young people who will do as they please, the conversations and effort must begin or continue to make sure that their relationships with their parents and guardians are open and healthy.
And for those of us who have nothing but criticisms, we must look in the mirror and remember the time when we were also young. Did we have urges? Did we make silly mistakes?
We might not have made a sex tape, but didn’t many of us have sex in secret? It is time we stop with the sanctimonious attitudes and do something to help our young people to make wiser choices.
