Her father was involved in a misunderstanding with a relative, which was about to get violent. As the relative advanced with a cutlass, not thinking of the danger, Michelle ran between them and held the hand with the cutlass while she pleaded with the relative not to harm her father.
“I told him I don’t have a mother and my father is the only one I have and I can’t lose him,” Michelle (not her real name) told the Sunday Stabroek recently.
That act may have saved her father’s life or at least saved him from being maimed, but more importantly it saved the relationship between a father and a daughter which had gone downhill over a period of time to a point where they were barely on speaking terms.
But when Michelle saw the shiny blade in the air all she thought about was the fact that she had never known her mother, who died when she was a baby, and she did not want to be parentless. Her action engineered a critical conversation between father and daughter and Michelle said with each passing day the relationship improves.
You see, Michelle is a lesbian and her father and a number of her relatives do not approve. Michelle just wants those she loves the most to see her as a human being and not define her by her sexuality.
Last year the Sunday Stabroek had featured Michelle who was then 17, after she was forced to stand up to school authorities; they had wanted to expel her because of her perceived sexuality. With little or no support from her family—especially her grandmother who was her primary care giver—Michelle was advised to approach the Society Against Sexual Orientation Discrimination (SASOD), an organisation she had never heard of, for assistance. SASOD not only intervened at the school level but arranged for her to be counselled and in the end she was allowed to write the CSEC exams even though it was not an easy road.
When she made her sexuality known Michelle endured daily struggles which made her think constantly about ending her life. It was her determination to not only live her life but to make life easier for the next girl or boy who might face similar challenges that kept her going. Michelle had spoken about being alienated by most of her relatives. Her declaration to her immediate relatives that she was gay was not only greeted with verbal abuse, but she was twice beaten badly by a male relative who wanted to “beat the gayness out of her.” A female relative went as far as cyberbullying her, informing the world of what the female relative called her “nasty lifestyle”.
Gotten better
But today, Michelle said, things have gotten better and while she is still verbally attacked on the streets, she is in a better place because those close to her, while not accepting her fully, are no longer hostile and uncompromising.
“After that incident my father actually came to me and thanked and we started talking more and he told me that he loves me a lot and that he just did not want a kid of his to turn out to be gay.
“But I told him that I did not turn out to be anything that it is just who I am and he should just see me as a human being, his daughter,” Michelle shared.
In the end he and other relatives stopped “throwing hints” and their actions now basically say ‘this is your life we can’t choose for you’. “Now I can say my home feels like a home; it is not like before when it was just hostile and everybody just wanted to get on me I can actually be at peace at home.”
Her relatives have also indicated that they felt she would have gotten into trouble as a lesbian, but now they encourage her to be the best person she can.
And she has been on that path as since she received her CSEC results, which were not as good as she would have liked, Michelle has already taken steps to re-write some subjects even as she has entered an entrepreneurial programme.
She has also been modelling and has taken up photography; she hopes to open her own photo studio soon.
“It has been pretty good, I love modelling and I have doing well. I also love photography,” Michelle said.
She has also been involved in voluntary work and while she has been able to help others, her volunteerism has actually helped to strengthen her and “make me a better person.
“Volunteering helps me to gain more knowledge and this then helps me to share with people and let them understand that people like me, we are humans not an abomination like some people would tell me.”
On that note Michelle recalled standing on the street with a friend waiting for a taxi when another taxi driver pulled up and asked if they wanted a ride. They refused and the man proceeded to enquire why Michelle was dressed in men’s clothing.
“I told him is really none of his business and that he should just leave,” she said. “He drove off but then reversed and told me that I am an abomination; that the bible speaks about people like me. And you know I told him he should just leave me alone but he continued and it was getting bad so we just walked away and then my taxi came and I left.”
There was another incident where a man threatened her with a stick. She was standing on her bridge when the man passed, then he looked back at her. ‘Wait is a girl dress like duh?’ he enquired but Michelle did not answer. ‘People like you have to dead,’ he continued and Michelle said she calmly told him to just leave her alone since she was not troubling him in any way.
“He picked up a piece of stick and I don’t know what he was going to do but same time my father came out and looked at him and he put the stick down and went away,” she recalled.
People in her neighbourhood continue to be aggressive, Michelle said, but she is saved by the fact that she is seldom home, since all her waking hours are occupied. “They would throw hints but many times I would just not hear because I know you can’t fight violence with violence and if they would listen I would try to tell them I am just like them but most times is better to keep quiet,” she said.
Modelling
It is the hostile attitude of persons that has seen Michelle choosing to model women’s and not men’s clothing.
“I would love to model male clothing but I know it might create trouble and people might want to get violent and I am trying to avoid those things. I would wear male clothes but it depends on where I am going because other times I wear female clothes too because sometimes I just don’t want to have to deal with the people,” she said.
Michelle noted that the Guyanese society is still not accepting of people like her and it continues to be a struggle but she will continue to fight wherever she can for herself and others like her.
“I have become much more mature and I have a few friends; they would talk to me about the different problems they are having and I encourage and counsel them. I would let them know that there is much more to them than their sexuality,” she said.
“I know how hard it has been for me and if I could make things a little better for them I am going to do it. I want to start a blog soon to talk about my experience and to encourage others but it would have to be anonymous because I still not ready to put my name out there.”
Michelle is single. She noted that many persons her age still live with their parents who may struggle with accepting their sexuality.
“The last person I was with, she got into trouble and I just want to spare them and spare me so right now I am just focusing on being a better me,” she stated.
Michelle was one of many teenagers who turn to SASOD for assistance and because of this, Managing Director of the organisation Joel Simpson had told this newspaper that the organization created a LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) Youth Matters programme which caters for LGBT youth.
The programme works with persons from 16 years and older but Simpson had said that the organisation was exploring working with younger adolescents in the future.
Asked pointedly about the accusation by some that the organization might be “grooming” confused youths to become gays, Simpson had said, “There is no such thing as grooming when it comes to sexuality and gender. Our programme and our work with partners help youth to find their true selves – whatever that may be. There is no pressure or undue influence from SASOD or any of our partners that these youth must decide to identify one way or another.”
