Dear Editor,
To ease the boredom of the unchanging local world, I would amuse myself, and clear head at the same time, by reading the news from abroad. Here are some things that are so asinine that even natives would react scornfully. Try them for size.
The people who oversee the Miss America pageant have decided that the contest would no longer be about beauty, according to the New York Post. Say what? One would hope that the Miss Guyana pageant never get so dumb and bland. What is next? Jokes without cutting language? I foresee a return to sophisticated Victorian humour: all language, no passion; at that rate, only Ian McDonald (and me) would understand. Taking away the beauty and swimsuit aspects open the door for only the winter coat competition, which is predicted to be a showstopper. I suppose the focus going forward is going to be on neurosurgery, interpreting the dreams of the Assyrian emperors, and debating whether social media has become an unofficial asylum for assorted imbeciles, wastrels, and bigots.
Then CNN reported that someone came to a belated conclusion the other day: the lovely fellow in 1600 Pennsylvania does not respond to reason. I thought that my fellow Americans were wise people; hence the perplexity as to why it took so long to arrive at such a basic and infallible truth. This is not about a method to madness over in that house, but madness upon madness. On the domestic front I found out for myself that many self-installed public bulbs are really dim; they lack not only reasoning, but logic and humour too. Add to that absolute dumbness with relation to the use of satire and exquisite language to nuance hard messages. Turns out to be wasted effort; talk about throwing pearls to swine. Realization comes slowly that Guyanese favour rub-down, shove-down, down in the gutter ignorance, with bluster and smut thrown in as extras. I think it is time for what the Mafia calls a sit-down and the high society people name a summit. A national one is needed.
Next, the BBC told the tale of a tabby that caused quite an expensive ruckus. Besiktas FC was fined 34,000 Euros (sorry, I couldn’t find my currency sign for euros) during the UEFA Cup proceedings due to a cat invasion of the pitch. The feline furor led to a charge of “Insufficient organization.” Gecom could learn; I humbly suggest that the Government of Guyana pay attention.
Sticking to football I really thought that this guy Ronaldo would lose some zing when he left Manchester United. I am still smarting from what has happened since. This man has defied age and wear and tear; if anything, he is better and on the biggest stage too. Given his virtuoso performance(s) (not worried about missed penalty and card) and unstoppable freedom of movement in the Red Square of all places, there is hope for the much-maligned geriatric crowd hovering around in Guyana. Suddenly, the president looks like the savviest one of all. I like Brazil. I could listen to a good side bet on a Mexico-Portugal final, as I like underdogs; just don’t let the GRA know.
Finally, there was this real beauty that left me shaking my head and whatever is left in it. The words of a stricken resident of Hawaii was, “I am really at peace.” This reaction came when he beheld the awesome force of nature and the lava flow that washed away his home of twenty-five years. I should be blessed with that kind of sublime serenity. I recommend that this man be given permanent residence in this country. It would be interesting to see how long his sweet peace lasts.
Yours faithfully,
GHK Lall
