Dear Editor,
Permit me to inquire how many more men will steal, kill and destroy before society lifts its head and notice that something is radically wrong. We read about the female victims of domestic violence, we see the drug use, the gang activity, the rising incarceration rate and the rate of single-parent households that are led by females. We see all of it, but who has the discerning ear and eye to be able to actually see what is going on?
For many, the news is regarded as just a bunch of negative happenings taking up print and television airtime. However, more importantly, the negative facets that we see or hear are a manifestation and substantiation of our males crying out and asking for a lifeline. But pray tell, who is listening?
The term cause and effect is not a cliché but instead a relationship between actions or events. The statistics are effects, and they did not manifest in a vacuum. Correspondingly, our young men are not committing crimes in a vacuum. Everything is connected and is happening for a reason. Regrettably, not enough people are connecting the dots and are willing to act in order to concentrate on the root cause of these problems in our communities.
Are there things being done to help our males, especially the young ones? Yes, but it is not enough, because had it been, then a great many of these same problems would not be worsening. But who is listening?
I have no intention of presenting a thesis replete with big words, statistics and graphs showing empirical data. While that might make the case for academia, I am firmly convinced that it is not the kind of presentation needed at this stage. The evidence is already apparent in real-time. So what is the problem? Simply stated, the problem is humanity.
Despite the fact that individuals hail from different parts of the country, have different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds and have different life experiences, yet we all still have many of the same basic human needs. For a great many of us, if any of our human needs are not met, we will tolerate and continue with life. That being said, there are others who are less structured and sometimes take matters into their own hands and do extreme things in order to gratify their human needs, of which there are many.
Love is one of the human needs, which, if not demonstrated in plentiful amounts, will cause our young males to look for love in all the wrong places. Sadly, this is an actuality in the human experience.- humans will go against their better judgment in order to find a form of love or human contact that meets their needs , even if temporarily or casually (looking for love in all the wrong places).
For example, gangs demonstrate a false form of love and acceptance to young people, and depending on how badly the young males need that love, will dictate whether or not they join. There is also the need for survival which is interrelated with the need to grow and achieve. Humans have that need to achieve or contribute something to family or society.
While we may still be at a loss to fully understand why the young males do the things they have been guilty of, oftentimes, we can trace back their decisions to some of the unmet human needs. As lunatic as this may sound, sometimes humans adapt and sometimes humans snap. So what can be done to help our males, again especially our young ones? Let us connect and start genuinely and proactively to show them love, especially the ones in our lives and in our communities, so that they do not have to go out and find a bad version of love. If we know a male who needs to become more, let us help him find his purpose and life’s mission. In other words, help him to find a position towards fulfilling his ambition. Listen to concerns without being overly judgmental. Speak to the young males, instead of speaking about them and their actions. Our males need this.
Altogether, we have not been very attentive listeners to the needs of our males. Let us not forget that these are human needs. Females also have these needs, but for the sake of this article, I am dealing specifically with the males. For far too long, young males have been taught that “crying is for babies” and that “they should hold in their emotions and not display any weakness”. These are all part of the macho image but are also just plain error.
On the whole, emotions are an integral part of the human experience, and we need our strong fathers and strong men in the community to assist the young males in processing their feelings and emotions. It is this type of fathering, brotherhood, male bonding, and mentorship that we need in the community, so that no men, especially the young ones, are walking in this life alone. Once the love is shown to the young males, they will pay forward, extending it to the females, thereby staunching the flow of domestic violence.
Is anybody listening?
Yours faithfully,
Yvonne Sam
