In Guyana, we have a culture of caring for our parents as they get older. This is likely due to the fact that Guyanese children live with their parents until well into their adult lives and although some move on to their own homes, some opt to stay and live with their parents and eventually become their “caregivers.”
Growing old is not an easy journey, not physically and certainly not psychologically, and it can sometimes become extremely frustrating for both elders and caregivers.
But perhaps taking a closer look at the psyche of an older person will allow us to understand the world from their perspective, thereby enabling us to be more empathetic and patient with them. While growing older is a reality, it is one which no one ever wants to accept. We all want to remain young, vibrant and agile. No one wants to have to think about sagging skin, breaking bones and memory loss. As we near the end of life’s journey, some of the most important things as reported by many elders are peace of mind, a feeling of having accomplished something in life and family.
Here’s what might be going on in the minds of our beloved parents and grandparents and what you can do to help:
• Feelings of being a burden: Moving from being extremely independent to becoming completely dependent is not something that is easy to digest. This causes our elders to feel frustration and anxiety and may even lead to depression. So, when you think the elder you are caring for is “just fretting,” stop for a moment and remind them how much you care for them and that looking after them will never be a burden.
• Sadness and depression: Recognition of growing older does not necessarily mean acceptance. As a result, depression is extremely common among the elderly and what is worse is the fact that many of them do not easily express the way they feel. Your job should therefore be to talk to them about their feelings. Let them know that they can turn to you for advice or to talk about anything that might be bothering them. Having a better idea of their mental health will make you better equipped to seek professional help if needed.
• Boredom: When they get to an age where they can no longer move about as freely as they used to and spend most of their time at home, it will be easy for the elderly to become bored. As their caregiver, you can find ways of keeping them occupied. For example, playing crossword puzzles, scrabble or chess while fun will also boost their memory. Letting the elderly spend quality time with their grandchildren has also been shown to improve their health. Finally, taking strolls in the outdoors will not only be refreshing but will facilitate interactions with nature, which in turn is therapeutic.
• Fear of death: Our elders are aware that the clock is ticking and that time is against them and many live in constant fear of death and dying. You should recognise this fear and spend as much time with them as possible, not only as their caregiver but as a member of their family. Sit with them and talk about what they liked doing when they were younger, browse through old photo albums and do and say things to make them laugh, and remind them how important they are to you.
While being a caretaker to a family member is a cumbersome task, let us remind ourselves that these are the same people who looked after us when we were young and that the roles are now reversed. As a result, we are expected to treat them with the same love, care, respect, understanding and patience with which they treated us when we were in their care.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist at the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation’s Psychiatric Department and also sees patients privately. You can send questions, comments or schedule a private consultation at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com
