“I don’t know what Mother’s Day would be like for me this year because it is hard to see my daughter actually like fighting for her life. Sometimes I feel so helpless, but I have to keep going for her because she needs me,” a mother said sorrowfully.
“And to be honest, it is like I losing faith in our justice system because look how long this thing happening. What am I as a mother to tell my daughter who was violated and now the system does not want her to have justice?”
It was a rhetorical question and I heard the helplessness in her voice, because so far, she had done everything by the letter.
You see, her 14-year-old daughter was drugged, and gang raped earlier this year and while the matter was reported to the police and an investigation was launched the alleged perpetrators are yet to be charged. The mother blames herself because the crime was committed while she was out of the jurisdiction and had left her children with a relative.
The child was sent out and was unable to complete the task and decided to visit a relative instead of returning home.
“She didn’t want to have to go back in the hot sun, so she went by her [relative] but she was not at home and this guy, who is also a relative, invited her to stay…,” the mother told me.
The child was given a glass of juice to drink and then violated; the incident was recorded. The child can recall some, but not all of what happened after she was given the juice.
“I blame myself. This thing happen in January and I reported the matter in February and the police arrested some of the boys but then had to release them. I didn’t really agree with the way the police was questioning her, but I couldn’t do anything. They had somebody there, but the woman couldn’t stay all the time,” the mother said.
“I know the police have to do their work, but it is just too long man, and is like my daughter is giving up,” she said, the frustration obvious in her voice.
“But the hardest part is watching my daughter and seeing what she is going through. It is challenging and it is like watching a whole new child; it is not my child any more sometimes, not the child I knew.
“There is the changes in her personality and more and more is the mood swings. I can’t get accustomed to the mood swings.
“More and more I see the signs when the mood swings are coming but it is not that I am getting accustomed to them. I am picking up the swinging and when they come at times it is like she is fighting for her life. I have to fight to stop her from taking her life. Yeah, that it is how hard it is for me,” she said and by this time she was in tears.
I allowed her to compose herself and then asked if the young girl is being counselled.
“Yes, she is, every week she is counselled, and I would tell them what is happening, but I don’t know I am not seeing the difference. She is still in so much pain and I feel so helpless,” she answered.
“And that is why I sometimes want the matter to go to court because I think then she might start to feel better, I don’t know.
“But no charges have been laid and it has been months. It is really difficult, and I would call the police and the DPP [Director of Public Prosecutions] but you know I get the sense that they are fed-up of me. One time I called a senior police and I could hear the disgust and he tell me call the DPP. I did and even the people at DPP like getting fed-up of me.
“The DPP had to send back the file to the police to ask her some more questions. And you know what? Some of the questions is the same ones I had suggested to the police. But the more painful thing was the officer who first question my daughter was transferred and it was a new officer who questioned her.
“I don’t know if the officer was new or what because every so often one of the other officers would disturb her and ask her if she was getting through and that was really getting to me because it was affecting my daughter.
“She just being questioned by different people and it is not every time after the questioning she is being counselled so I have to deal with it, and it is not easy. Sometimes she is withdrawn and moody and I am not sure what to say to her and she is not a child who would say what she is thinking.
“And she is changing, talking to people and being overly friendly with males and it worries me. But she is being counselled and I will tell them what is going on. And I get my church people to pray for her and I know things will get better. What else can I say I have to look at things positively.
“But I want my child back, it is not like if it is my child anymore. The delay is a big problem and she seems to be losing hope. Sometimes when I raise it, she would say things like, ‘Oh I done forget about that’ but I know it is not that. Is like she is tired of waiting and let me tell you even me sometimes I tired of waiting. Sometimes I just want to pick up my children and leave and just let things be because it seems very hopeless.
“Is just me alone, no man by my side and at times I don’t know what to do or say but I have to try,” she said in tears again.
I let her vent because I was not sure what to say to her. We had been speaking about her daughter’s rape for months and I tried as much as I could to give her some advice and point her in the direction to people who could assist her.
After this most recent conversation, I suggested publishing some of the information and she readily agreed especially since it was close to Mother’s Day.
“For me, I don’t know what Mother’s Day is going to be like… I don’t know if it would be a fighting day for my daughter – my daughter fighting for her life or if it would be a day when I feel good. It is hard for me to feel good… I don’t know, you can never know. But I hope that I could do something, it is another Mother’s Day with my kids and my daughter is alive. I could look at it as a positive,” she added.
“And I know she is going to try to make it a good day, well that is if she is in the mood. But she will try to cook something and make something artistic because she likes those things,” she said, smiling for the first time.
“And you know there are a lot of mothers out there who are going through things, some don’t even have their children to celebrate. I am still thankful for the fact that I have all of my children. No matter how it turns out to be, whether it is a fighting day or a day I would relax, I will still enjoy the fact that I am a mother and all of my children are alive,” she said.
Her positive words made me smile as well. She is right. There are many sisters who no longer have their children to celebrate with them on this special day. Whatever the circumstances are, I want to wish all my sisters, young and old, a happy Mother’s Day. It is not an easy role but there is no other that is as fulfilling.
