Overdependence on the internet, especially by young children, creates developmental challenges, a false sense of connectedness and a vacuum where there should be crucial conversations, even as the young continue to be bullied in the virtual world.
These sentiments were expressed by psychologist Wil Campbell, who is the founder of Solutions Training Consultancy and Counselling Services, and Kerese Collins, who did psychology and counselling along with theological studies at the undergraduate level, a master’s in counselling psychology on a Chevening Scholarship, and has qualified as a psychotherapist. They have both worked with children and young people. They both acknowledged that while there is a lot of good to be derived from the internet, too often there is overdependence which can be dangerous.
Too many young children have technological devices on which they can spend hours, much to the delight of their parents who manage to get things done. There are also many young people and even older ones who make the virtual world their reality and this is also dangerous.
In the wake of the death of an 11-year-old boy whose mother believes he hanged himself because he was mimicking what he saw on the internet, a platform he spent hours on and which she now believes he was addicted to, the Sunday Stabroek sought of the views of the two professionals.
“Children at a younger age learn in a more hands-on way…in discovery learning,” Campbell said. “When I was growing up… we made things with our hands but with these online things you don’t have to make anything because everything is ready made so your brains doesn’t go through the process to understand how things work anymore, it is just about which buttons to press.”
Collins said she recently heard of a complaint from nursery-school teachers that children can better operate a tablet than they have motor skills.
“So, they can’t perform basic tasks in school, like modelling clay or how to cut with scissors… they don’t have the motor skills because of this overindulgence in technology,” she added.
Campbell opined that such children’s brains never develop the cognitive ability to actually learn how to do things, how to surmount obstacles because of “this readymade, microwaved entertainment that is there.”
He also addressed the false notion many parents have that their children are smart because they can operate a computer or any device as while in the past it may have taken some brain power to do so, the present ones are user friendly and as such a two-year-old could operate them.
“But parents still believe that it requires a certain degree of mental skills, it doesn’t, and it is one of the reasons why parents don’t know how to use their computers because they think it is difficult. But it isn’t, this thing tells you what to do at every step,” Campbell said.
‘Not the problem’
However, Collins believes that social media and the internet are not the real problem, instead it is the things that goes along with them, one of which is parents not spending enough time learning how to parent.
“They are not reading books. They are not attending conferences. You have to fight them down to get them to PTA meetings. You have to fight them down to teach them parent skills. They are not learning [what is needed] for social media not to pull their children,” she said.
The psychotherapist, who is the counselling supervisor at Help & Shelter, manages a project on mental health resilience and also has an online counselling service, said that when she worked with youths, she saw things outside of Guyana’s culture by which youths were influenced.
“My concern has been, not just with young people but with adults as well, is that we can’t have conversations without being on our phones… So, I am pouring my heart out to you, telling you that something difficult is happening with me and your head is in your phone…,” she said.
She believes that there is not enough human-to-human contact anymore and as such the problem, especially as it relates to parenting, is the fact that they have lost the ability to have “crucial conversations”.
For Campbell another danger of social media is the “false sense of connectedness. We all know a major contributing factor to overall mental health is good social interaction and if I have 5,000 friends on Facebook, I feel like I am connected. But the benefits of that connectedness are not there, so you kind of have this connectedness without the benefits,” he told the Sunday Stabroek.
He pointed out that when people need to reach out and touch and their ‘friends’ on Facebook are not there, some may put it out there and instead of support get a lot of criticisms and some ‘likes’. Physical hugs are important as well and Campbell pointed out that emoji hugs cannot do the trick.
Also, because of the length of time spent in the virtual world there is very little time left for parent-to-child communication. Further, children learn by mimicking the people around them and if the people around them are all virtual people, those are the actions they are likely to mimic.
Troubling as well, Campbell noted, is that in many of the games children play they are rewarded. “You are rewarded based on how many people you kill… how many kicks and how many hits, how many cars you steal, how many cops you get away from…,” he said.
Then there is the exposure to bullying, which creates a lot of psychological and emotional issues for adults and children who are exposed to harsh and damaging things when they are online.
And as it relates to bullying, Collins said she is irritated by instances where parents bully their own children on social media by videoing some form of disciplinary action and then posting it for the world to see.
She said some might want to say children are stupid when they mimic what they see on the internet, but she pointed out that children have to be taught how to behave and if they are stupid, then it is a reflection of the parent. She noted too that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for making decisions, is not fully developed until the individual reaches the age of 21. Collins said as well that in her experience she has not seen an overwhelming number of parents who maintain consistency where a simple no means no.
‘Don’t know’
Collins also pointed out that there are many cases where parents do not know how to use technology because if they did then they would have been able to set up controls for their children on the internet and ensure that they are protected.
“Technology is not all bad, but I think we have not cultivated within ourselves the skills to help our children to safely walk through this virtual world,” Collins said.
Campbell said parents and their children are not deriving the benefits from technology because while many parents purchase devices for their children to aid them in their studies, they themselves are not sure as to how often the child actually uses the device for such purpose.
As a result, even though there are benefits, many times parents are unable to monitor what their children do on the internet and they are in turn exposed to harmful material online.
People in general have become so immersed in the virtual world that they develop an emotional dependence on how many ‘likes’ and ‘loves’ their photographs or posts receive.
“Our concepts of friendship, longevity, relationships have been reduced to whatever looks good on the screen and with the age of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and all these things it is all about how many likes I get and if I only get likes and no loves, God help us,” Collins said. She added that some people’s self-esteem is now tied to this.
For Campbell, we have reached a point where a person’s self-worth is outsourced which is reinforced by social media and this is dangerous as it can make a person unstable.
‘Red flags’
As to the red flags parents should look for which indicate there is trouble, Campbell said that if children prefer to spend hours on their gadgets in their rooms and only emerge for food and bathroom then there is a problem.
Collins said other red flags include if children always hide their screens as while there is a time when they go through that phase and want their privacy, they must be taught that privacy is a privilege. And if they have difficulty distinguishing between privacy and secrecy then there is a problem as well.
Campbell added that if children’s phones are always locked and their parents cannot access them unless they hide certain things, if they cannot function in the absence of a gadget and it seems as if their entire world has crashed then that is a problem.
“It doesn’t take long to come to that point because there is an addictiveness and so there comes a point when you are prepared to do all kinds of things just so you can have access to the internet…,” Campbell said adding that in some places there are detox centres for persons to come off of their gadgets.
Campbell does not subscribe to children owning gadgets before a certain age and even after they are given gadgets they should not be allowed on social media before a certain age as well.
“Certain things have to be cemented, the reality of life, they have to learn certain values before they are exposed to the bombarding of the virtual world… So, if your child is very young then they shouldn’t be on social media and there is a reason why Facebook and these [platforms] have a cut off age,” Campbell pointed out.
If they seem lost in the virtual world and start mimicking what they see, Collins said, it is time for intervention.
Parents also must ensure that their children are not exposed to pornographic material on the internet, Collins said, adding that if parents notice behaviours that are uncharacteristic of a child’s age in life then they may want to have a conversation. Often though, she said, parents are not prepared to have such conversations with their children.
When younger children are exposed to violent games, Campbell said, they come become desensitised to violence.
He warned that young children should not be allowed on the internet or in front of the television for a combined time of more than two hours per day.
“Anything beyond two hours, is too much, is excessive. You should always know what your child is accessing online. Don’t give your children any device that you yourself cannot operate. I must also know my child’s password and if my child changes that password, they must get permission from me,” Campbell said.
Parents should set boundaries at an early stage and if a child crosses those boundaries then parents should take the device, which should be treated as a privilege rather than a right.
