“At one time, he didn’t want to go back to school and it was hard to get him to go. As a mother, it was really hurtful because I can’t be with him at school and there is only so much I can do. I would go into the school, but it was not just happening in school, even on the road he was being bullied.” These were the words of mother whose child was bullied from the time he entered secondary school in Georgetown.
As the mother spoke, I heard the pain in her voice. It is every parent’s wish to protect their children from pain and the inability to do so engenders feelings of helplessness. In addition, bullying is damaging.
“I was worried for him because I know how he stay, he is very emotional and very soft,” she continued. “If you talk to him hard, he would cry, he is not a child to stand up for himself.
“There was a time when we went to school and the teacher told us that she noticed one afternoon when he left school, one of the boys took away his book bag and even as she yelled at him the child still had the bag and my child did nothing.
“He never tell us about that. We just went at the school to check on him to see how he was doing and so and she tell us.”
I asked her if she had brought her child’s plight to the attention of the school’s authorities and whether they had attempted to address it.
“Not really. I would just talk to him because sometimes the teachers themselves stress out because they dealing with children from all over and at times, they themselves not able,” she answered.
“It is getting a little easier for him now because he moving to a bigger class but is not only in school where he has to deal with bullies. You have on the road too and it is not just children from his school, but children from other schools in the area who would just trouble children. So, you have to be careful how you are getting from one point to another,” the mother of three said.
“I would just pray that one day he would overcome it. He is a boy who like friends, but he does not make friends quickly. In primary school, he never used to really complain about being bullied, it was like everything was okay but it changed as soon as he hit secondary school.”
I asked her about some of her son’s experiences.
“Well, the boys would like take away his bag and call him names. And when they have to do group assignments, they would refuse to work with him, and he would get terrible marks because he has to go and try to fit it in somewhere and it didn’t always work out. This was especially in Form One but in Form Two it got a little easier. And now he has a friend and they would try and go home early because the friend used to experience the same things too,” the mother said.
“It was so difficult that in Form One he hardly never use to want to go school. And he is not a child who would give problems. The teachers will tell me that he is never rude but they would say that he is being bullied and to be honest I think they tried to keep it under control in the classroom but what happens when he is outside?
“I really does feel it for him and at one point I told him if he had worked for a better school maybe he would not be bullied, but then I know bullying is all over,” she quickly corrected herself.
I told her that indeed it did not matter what school children attend; whether it is a senior or junior secondary school, or private or public school, bullies are everywhere.
“Right now, all I would try to do is talk to him because even though he quiet, he has a passion and I don’t want one day he react and there is a fight and then something big happen,” the mother said.
“One day he came home crying because somebody pelted him in the head. I am happy that he is now grooving into the school,” she said softly.
Bullying is something that many parents have to deal with. I remember a friend telling me that her daughter gained a place at one of the premier schools and was bullied because of her accent. “They made my child’s life a living hell,” she had said.
Another friend related that she was forced to move her child from one private school to another because of bullying and the school not giving her an audience. Sadly, she said, the school the child was moved to was “worse.”
I recall my older son complaining about some hurtful things he was told by his classmates. I immediately intervened and the issue was addressed and according to him it had stopped. But he wrote the National Grade Six Assessment this year and after he received his results, he recalled instances where children had taunted and told him he would pass to go to “waste” and “no good” schools. I saw the pain in my child’s eyes. But then he happily told me that those who had taunted him did not gain places at better schools than he did. It seemed as if he made it his duty to find out which schools they had been awarded.
I felt a sharp pain when he told me and wondered why he did not tell me as soon as it happened. Two of the children have parents who are in prominent positions and I brought it to the attention of one through an acquaintance. I am still debating whether to call the parents of the other child just to inform them. I think parents need to be told when their children are being bullies and I hope they can speak to them. It is beyond me how children can be so horrible and cruel to each other and I wonder if it is really because of the manner in which they are brought up. As a parent I would definitely like to know if and when my children are being mean to others so I can address it immediately.
While we cannot always take responsibility for our children’s actions, we should address them when such matters are brought to our attention.
It was only last year that Principal of the Cyril Potter College of Education Viola Rowe highlighted the challenges faced by students who experience bullying on a constant basis in the country’s schools and called for urgent action to curb the problem.
At the time, she had also emphasised that schools have a legal and moral obligation to ensure that learners are exposed to safe learning spaces and added that that bullying must be curbed at its roots to ensure that the learning environment is safe for everyone, including teachers. She had explained that the impact of bullying on academic performance continued to become progressively negative because of the stress and mental distress caused.
A study done in the US found that bullying in schools was a systemic problem that affected all school districts that country. In 2016 the National Center for Educational Statistics reported that 1 in 5 students were bullied in school.
“While bullying can be destructive and persistent, it can also be subtle enough that teachers are not aware of it. Since bullying can lead to long-lasting psychological, emotional, and physical problems, it is essential for teachers to recognize the signs of bullying and how to combat it,” the study said.
Parents let us be vigilant and intervene when our children are being bullied. Don’t take it lightly because such acts can have long-lasting effects on children. It is important for us to act quickly when we are told of any act of bullying our children might perpetrate. No one wants to know they are parents to a little or big bully. Let us be open minded and deal with it firmly and condignly.
