“Let me tell you something, it is 14 years now I living with HIV and right now I don’t allow it to bother me because I have to live my life. I take my treatment and when I feel sick, I try to rest and then get up back again and do what I have to do,” she said positively.
For this 35-year-old mother of three agreed to speak to me, because, according to her, she wanted people to understand that HIV is not a death sentence.
“There is life after HIV, but like life without HIV it is never going to be happy going all the time. There will be bad days and good days,” she told me.
I have spoken to many HIV-positive persons in my line of work and while many have not made their positive status a life sentence, she is the most upbeat person I have spoken to. She evoked no sadness in me as she spoke because of how she directed the conversation and ensured that we shared laughter throughout. It was as if she wanted to ensure that I did not feel sorry for her. Even though some of what she told me was sad, she told it in a manner that did not suggest sadness and I focussed rather on the fact that she overcame.
“I was married when I was pregnant with my first son,” she related. “I had a daughter before, but not for my husband… You see when them tell me, I left stupid and I run and called my husband and tell he come down and he tek the test too and it was positive. And he was like, ‘it is not the end of the world, it is not a life sentence.’ And all I was doing was getting diarrhoea and crying.
“I end up taking it on and he was like normal.”
I asked her if she felt her husband knew of his positive status before that day.
“Looking back, I think so, because of how he react,” she answered. “But at the time I was in me own world like it didn’t even register. Is only after we separate like I come to realise, but I try not to hate he or anything because it is not good for me. But girl, leh me tell you, me mouth buss. I does tell women when I know he with them.
She said her son was born with HIV and he was frequently hospitalised and eventually died. I asked her if she was administered any medication to ensure that she did not transmit the virus to her child, which is called mother-to-child transmission. “They ain’t do it,” she said. “Them ain’t give me nothing. I don’t know what was going on then, but I get two other children after and none a them get it because they give me medication.
She said after she had a second son, her husband left her and went to live with a woman with nine children.
“I was at me mother and I hear he move out from the house and I went and I find he and I call he out and I tell the woman how he get HIV and he say how I lying. Was big story and we end up at the station all. But that was it for me and he.
“It must be been done before and all because he put me through a lot. He used to give me $1,500 a week and it was hard and one day I went by he workplace and he throw down $2,000 on the floor and give me and tell me go and look a work. And I went and work at a bakery shop and girl I get so sick it was not easy.
“I had support and I tell me mother and me big daughter and other family members and they didn’t react anyway really. I does live and eat with them just as normal. So, when things get rough, I had support.
“After me and he lef, I meet somebody online and as I tell you me mouth buss, so I tell them straight up. And they tell me that is me business. When he come to Guyana, I try to let he take a test, but he didn’t want do it. But he does go with me when I going to the hospital and does wake me up and so to take my medication. I get a daughter with he and right now she living with he over there. We does see each other but not that steady but I good with it.
“Look, let me tell you, I is a woman who like to dress up and look good. Is only right now I been battling with a flu and then I did fall down and hit me hip, so I wasn’t well but I getting better. I use some molasses and ginger for the flu and I getting better.”
I asked if she was working.
“I have a dog food stand and I does sell me lil chips and so on. I does do me lil thing. I don’t get any money really from me former husband fuh me son who is eight. I does have to cuss he up and sometimes me ain’t able. I carry he to court and he owe the court, but I lef he to God. He have five small children to mind right now. Is the woman children but he with she.
“And you know what? When he ain’t feeling good he does come to me. The other day he [was very sick] and he didn’t want to go the doctor, so I help he and when he well, he gone and cussing me out. But I don’t bother with he, I forgive he.
“You can’t hold it all the time in your heart, you know. I try to throw it aside and move it on. But you know sometimes it does tickle you and you does have to say something,” she said, bursting into laughter indicating that she was tickled by her own words.
“But sometimes I does want know why he taking women with all them children and all of them he does tell them how he want marry them. He does run me down to all he women he get, but when he get sick is me running to. I does know when he sick. He does come and rap down at me door. You know when cow foot bruck he does know massa? Well like that.”
I asked her about her plans.
“Girl, I have so much plan. I want to drive my own car on this road and get me own home. I have land and I hope to build me own home one day. I don’t study HIV, I does study my plans that I have for the future,” she answered.
“And you know what? I don’t bother what people say because people who does quick to talk about you, they have nothing to give you. I want to live and be positive and I could be their biggest motivator when I stay positive, that is me.
“I had to throw away pride and start my dog food business and right now even lawyers and doctors does come and buy from me. Because not because is dog food, I does try me best and I get me customers. Only thing I does get a little bored sometimes but every day I does work. Whether I feeling pain or sick, I out selling.
“I just keeping it real. I does lay me cards on the table and I so comfortable now I does watch myself and smile. I don’t get time with people because at the end of the day I don’t beg nobody. When I want anything, I does go and work or I does go and call me child father and he would send it.”
While this sister has apparently accepted her positive status, there are many who have not and who continue to face discrimination, not just from strangers but tragically, their own family members. It is estimated that there are 8,000 men, women and children living with HIV in Guyana and this figure is likely growing daily.
Let us remember to be kind to those who are HIV positive.
If you are a woman who is HIV positive and looking for answers or in need of support, contact the Guyana Community of Positive Women and Girls (GCWAG). You can call 691-7297 or email cmarlyn9@gmail.com.
