You might be familiar with the oft-used phrase, “children should be seen and not heard.” Maybe it has even been used against you at some point in your life. This phrase is one that speaks to the belief that children’s opinions do not matter and that in order to show respect to their elders, they must be silent. For the “disrespectful” children who do not know their place, life can be a series of challenges.
Many of our parents and grandparents can recount stories of physical and mental abuse during their childhood. Many even wear their abuse as a badge of honour, stating that if they had not been beaten and berated, they would not have been the persons they are today. I’m always sadly amused whenever this rationale is given because it usually comes from emotionally unstable persons who have toxic relations with their family and loved ones. They often do not see the clear link between their abusive childhood and their strained relationships. Child trauma has been proven to directly impact adult personalities, behaviours and interactions. Yet, there are still those who will bury their heads in the sand rather than recognize that the way we raise our children, shapes the wellbeing of our future. The rod of correction is why we have so many folks walking around with trauma that they have not dealt with and indeed, a lot of who we are today is because of the unacknowledged trauma we’ve experienced.