“We lef home since 5.30 this morning and we reach just after 6 and you know what time we get through? Until after 1. Yes, you hear me, after 1,” she said, the frustration in her voice evident.
“I didn’t feel it so much for me but is she I really worry about because I know how hard it was for her. This thing ain’ easy but is suh poor people have to get along. Wah else we guh do?” and as she asked that question, she threw her hands up in the air.
The ‘her’ she referred to is her heavily pregnant daughter; the two had left their home very early in the morning to visit the maternity clinic of the Georgetown Public Hospital (GPH). The daughter is less than two weeks away from the given date for the birth of her child via c-section. I have known this mother and daughter since the expectant woman was a child. Her mother was just a little weary of the many challenges they continue to face and wanted to talk.
“When we reach and we ask who was the last person, she was at number 7. But when the door open, I don’t know what happen but she standing there with she clinic card and by the time she they collect she clinic card a lot of people own collect.
“We just there sitting to hear she name call and is like we waiting forever. She get something to eat and she does still suffer from morning sickness and she had to lie down. Now they ain’t gat no bed there, so is on me she had to lie down and we just had to continue waiting,” the mother said.
“But you know how it go, you don’t want say nothing, you just sit and wait and hope you will get through soon. Well we soon was still after 1, and when we reach home was after 2, that is just how it goes,” she continued.
I suggested that maybe they should not have gone so early.
“Well, if we didn’t go so early maybe we woulda never get through or be there until late in the afternoon. This is just the second time she went to the clinic because she get transfer from the one she use to go because she is high risk. But is waiting all over and like everybody does say if we had a lil money we woulda gone private but we just have to abide now,” she answered.
Her daughter did not speak but just sat quietly. At times it seemed her mother forgot that she was present, and it got a little uncomfortable, but I was not sure how I should say this to the mother.
“But she want to play big and get baby, so she got to face what big people go through. I tell she already that she life not she own no more, she can’t get up and go as she like anymore. I don’t know why this girl have to go and get pregnant now,” she said, completely switching the topic.
I snuck a look at her daughter, and she bent her head. I could almost feel her embarrassment as her mother marched on in the conversation.
“Now look at me! Big old me have to go and sit down almost whole day at clinic. Me days fuh dem things done. And if I don’t go then you would hear I is a bad mother, but me last child is adult already. When children don’t hear dem does feel, but the hurtful part is that I feeling it with she too, is nah she alone feeling it,” she said.
By this time the young woman was looking into the distance and in an attempt to engage her I asked her if she was okay or if she was feeling uncomfortable.
“I am good,” she answered quietly.
Again, trying to engage her and in an attempt to stop the direction of her mother’s words, I asked how she felt being pregnant. “I don’t even know,” she answered. “Sometimes like I happy for a baby but the next time I scared.”
“If you been really scare you wouldn’t a get pregnant,” her mother fired off, speaking directly to her daughter for the first time.
“I tell you long not to get children until you marry, or until you know what you want. But look, you just start living and is a baby you getting. What kind of life you think you will get now? It is not about you anymore, is about the baby,” she continued.
“These young people don’t listen. She see how I struggle to bring them up and how dey father didn’t even want to look them after. Ow man, you nah guh learn from me mistake and try to do better for yourself?” she was almost pleading.
The young woman was once again looking down and she fidgeted with her hands and at that point I suggested to the mother that maybe she should have this conversation privately.
“No, no,” she demurred. “I know you does write about these things and people must understand that these are real situations. Maybe some young girl would read it and do something differently. I know I was not the best mother, but I use to try and I not looking for praise. I make a lot of mistakes, but if she don’t watch out is the same mistakes she making because she following strong in me footstep. Who she think guh suffer more? Yes, it is the child and maybe children, because I don’t think she would stop now.
“And where is the father? He not playing no role and the baby not born, so you could imagine when the child come. Well a done tell she is some kind a work she have to go and find because the baby have to grow up and she can’t depend on me. I could hardly help me self at times. She have to go and see.”
I asked if it was her first grandchild and if she was happy to be a grandmother, trying to lighten the tension. I was well aware of the mother’s frustration and the pain she might have been feeling but I was also concerned about the emotional well-being of the young woman. I was not sure that speaking to me openly in her presence was the right thing for her mother to do, considering her fragile emotional state. She may have made a mistake for which she was paying but beating her down while she was so vulnerable was not right either.
“It is not my first grandchild, but with the first one I didn’t have to be running about like this. And to be honest I wasn’t ready to be a grandmother. I don’t know why they believe the world running away,” she said.
I looked at her daughter and then I gently suggested that they should go as the young woman must be very tired and may need some rest.
The mother looked at her daughter and for the first time I saw tenderness in her eyes. I have known them for years and there is no doubt that this mother loves her children in her own way, though it might not always be the right way or the way that helps her children’s emotional well-being.
“Yea, you right, I think we should go,” she said up and slowly got up.
Her daughter joined her, and they left, tiredly shuffling down the road.
I said a silent prayer for the young woman’s safe delivery, and that she tries to be the best mother she can. Whatever her best is will have to suffice because as it is right now there is not much else that could be done. As they say no one goes to school to learn parenting, one of the most important jobs in the world and the many books on the subject are seldom read by expectant parents.
But for now, I just hope this sister can be the best mother to her child.
