“It is very hard because it is my daughter and I just want her with me. I believe the best thing is for her is to be with me because nobody can love her like me,” the woman said, with tears in her eyes.
“I know it will take time but how long more I must live without her? She is growing every day and I don’t know why they keeping me child away from me. They prefer she live with strangers than live with me. Tell me if that is right?” she asked.
It was obvious that this mother was in a lot of pain. She has been fighting for a while to remove her child from state care and, initially, when she approached me, she was angry and just wanted to “have the story publish because is unfair wah happening to me.” But after talking to her some more, it was clear that even she was a ‘stranger’ to the child as they had not lived together since she was 10 months old. Today the child is 10 years old and has only seen her mother intermittently over the years.
During those years, the child lived with her father, who repeatedly sexually abused her. He was eventually arrested, charged and sentenced to life in prison and the physically and emotionally scarred child was made a ward of the state and later placed in foster care. She is now in an orphanage because her foster mother has temporarily migrated.
“Look, I had to run and leave she father because he use to beat me bad and I couldn’t take it anymore,” the woman said.
“But I didn’t run without me child, you know. I carry me child with me and then she father bring police on me and the police tell me how he get a house and a job and I not working and is best I give he back the child because he can take care of her.
“I now know is the worst mistake I make but I say that I woulda get she back, so I give he she but he never want to give me back the child. I couldn’t even get to see me daughter. He use to keep she away from me and it was hard but is like I didn’t know what to do.
“Eventually I leave the country because I did want to make life better, but I never forget me child, I never forget me daughter. When I use to come back, I would go and see she and I ask if she know I is she mother and she say how she father show she a picture. But he never use to want me take her anywhere I use to had to visit her right at he and he tell me how if I want to take her anywhere I have to leave my passport and my papers. I couldn’t do that because I been frighten he tear up me documents,” she continued.
The mother said a relative who lived in the area checked in on the child from time to time.
“But I wanted my daughter because I was doing better, and I know I coulda take care of her. And then I get the worse news possible that this man, all this time, was raping my child, raping his own daughter,” the woman said, shaking her head in disbelief.
“I am over there and is like I feel so helpless. I didn’t know what to do. It was if I was going out of my mind. I couldn’t talk to me daughter or nothing and when I come back, she was in state care and I still can’t talk to she. I try to tell them I will take my daughter but they saying no. Girl, leh me tell you, I didn’t know what to do.
“Since then I coming back and still they don’t want to give me my child and then they put her to live with a stranger. Imagine, a stranger?” she said.
I wanted to point out that while she was her daughter’s mother technically, she is still a stranger to her. I didn’t but I did state that maybe she had to first build a relationship with the child before taking her to live with her.
“Well that is what they telling me—how the child don’t know me! But she don’t know the foster mother either, so to me it not making any sense. And when this child talking to me alone, she deh good, good. But as soon as de welfare officer around she telling me how she not ready to come and live with me,” answered.
“Why they want to keep my child away from me?” she asked desperately.
Scarred
I reached out to Director of the Childcare and Protection Agency Ann Greene and she was aware of the case.
Greene informed that the child was scarred from the horrific acts of her father and needed healing. She noted that the mother had not lived with the child for years and the child was skeptical about going to live with her. To secure the emotional and psychological well-being of the child, she said, the agency approached the court and was granted temporary custody. It is hoped that she will receive the assistance she needs and in the meantime the mother can build a relationship with her.
“It is not our wish to take anyone child’s away, but the child is scarred, and she needs help. She does not want to go with the mother. I will advise the mother to continue on working on the relationship and even when she is away to write little letters to her daughter so that they can bond and build that relationship. When that is done then we can go back to the court…,” Greene told me.
I spoke to the mother again and an arrangement was made for her to see the child and even to take her out for a few hours to begin that bonding.
After the visit she told me that while the child met with her, she opted not to leave with her.
“She tell me she not ready yet,” the mother said and the pain she felt was almost tangible.
“But we meet and we talk. She talk to me good, good. But it was hard to hear your daughter say she not ready to go with you. I gave her some things and so on and I will go back. Wah I guh do? I can’t give up on her. Is me daughter and all I want is for her to come and live with me. I better now, I marry and so and I can take care of her. I can give she the help she need,” the mother said almost pleadingly.
“But you know what I can do but to keep trying?” she added.
I told the sister that the process has just started, and she needs to keep trying to build a relationship with her daughter. I told her that while she is hurting, to think about the pain of her daughter who went through unimaginable acts perpetrated by her own father. And in all of that, she might have felt that her mother abandoned her.
The mother is no longer angry at the childcare agency, at least from what she told me, and for that I am happy because she needs the agency’s help as she works towards having her child placed in her custody.
I do hope this sister indeed gets custody of her daughter and their mother and daughter relationship can be built and that the child can find a home to call her own.
