Kerese Collins was young and still unmarried when older women in her church sought her advice on marital issues, which she freely gave based mostly on her observations. She did not realise at the time that she would later become a marriage and couples’ counsellor, but she knew that her ultimate dream was to one day have a family of her own.
“I think that wisdom does not just come from experience, but wisdom also comes from observation. I have always said to people that I don’t have to jump into a pool of hot water to know that it is going to burn me. I have been a student of marriage and a student of people for as long as I could remember, so I have observed a lot of things,” Collins said of her journey to where she is today.
She acknowledged, however, there are different levels of understanding that come when a person is actually married, which she is now. But she has gleaned wisdom from observing others, listening to their stories and from her studies.
Now that she is into actual counselling, Collins said, her youth is not a factor as so far not one of her clients has made that an issue. She has been professionally counselling since last year, but she pointed out that her youth work has been ongoing for about ten years. She counselled during that period and found that the issues faced were low self-esteem and the inability to deal with people empathetically as opposed to antagonistically.
“Unfortunately, one of the hardest things that I have had to hear over the years has been instances of child sexual abuse. The levels of child sexual abuse that we have here in Guyana is just alarming and that is just me and that is just one experience,” Collins said adding that she did not think she has seen a quarter of what the true picture is.
There is also child neglect, which sometimes is tied to the economic level of the family, and issues relating to teachers victimising students because they are so overwhelmed by the sheer number of children in their charge and also because they lack the skills to deal with those who present with problems.
“Some of my greatest scars actually came from things teachers said, not just to me but to my siblings as well and because of the lack of awareness of how a child grows and the ability to interpret behaviours correctly… that often manifests itself to teachers saying really demeaning things to children which break their spirit and cause them a whole lot of pain,” Collins said, adding that it will be coupled with what children are experiencing at home as well.
Collins was quick to state that she also had some amazing experiences in school and there were teachers who were kind and helpful.
Her experience has been that religious communities have been among the safest spaces, but she noted that they can also be spaces where people get hurt, including abused. “The home, school and church, those are the three places where you are supposed to find safety but unfortunately there are breakdowns in all three of those spaces,” she noted.
Lawyer or doctor
Initially, Collins thought she might become a doctor or a lawyer but sneak peeks into the lives of persons with such careers caused her to baulk at both as she felt she would have been unable to balance family life and, for her, being a “wife and mommy” were at the top of the list.
“I decided maybe I could do psychology and at the undergraduate level that is what I did… I did theology and music as well,” the young woman said.
She added that while people may think she always knew what she wanted to do, she thinks it is something God allowed her to stumble onto. She shared that she did her undergraduate studies at a Christian university in Trinidad and her plan was to return home to pursue law. But a stint with a law firm, even though she found the opportunity to be amazing, proved to her that law was not the way for her. After a six-month attachment with a doctor’s office, she decided that that was also not a career choice for her.
Knowing herself, Collins said, she could easily have become a workaholic had she chosen those careers and that knowledge helped her make the decision even though the passion for people was always there and she always wanted to help and speak out for them.
Stronger families
As a child she always had someone to talk to as both of her parents and others were available for her to lean on and as she reflected on her life she felt that if more people have opportunities to talk freely about what is in their hearts and on their minds they might be able experience the empowerment they need to avoid some of the pitfalls of life.
“I didn’t have a perfect life… I did have some challenges family wise and it was having those persons in my corner who were willing to listen me [that helped],” she said.
Because of the persons in her life, Collins said, at an early age she was aware and sensitive to the fact that families have an impact on the growth and development of a child and also how that impact an be negative in a dysfunctional family.
When she returned from Trinidad she continued to work with young people in the church as she had done before and it was then she realised that most of the problems faced are tied to problems in the home.
“It is not to say that parents have to be perfect, no parent is, but I think when we can help children to feel safe, help them to have a sense of belonging, help them to have a sense of worth at home that translates into every other area of their lives,” she noted.
During her work with young people, when she saw instances of low self-esteem and violent behaviour, she became aware of the need for stronger systems. Part of the problem, according to Collins, is the fact that some parents do not know better; many are just doing the best they can and making use of the available resources.
She started to think about helping parents to learn to be parents since no one goes to school for that and realised that the one constant as she looked towards a career was her desire to help families to become stronger, hence her interest in marriage and couples’ therapy. In the four years since she has been back from her undergraduate studies, she worked with the Church of the Nazarene, became its country coordinator and also served as the Caribbean coordinator.
“But the issues have always been the same, if my home is broken, if my family life is not as strong as it should be then I am going to be broken,” she pointed out.
She was awarded a Chevening scholarship to study counselling psychology and part of that also involved marriage and couples’ therapy.
Since her return she has been working with individuals and couples in a more professional capacity and she tries to help them to figure out where they are going and how they can solve some of the intra and interpersonal conflicts in their lives.
Most of her clients come through referrals, or they check the Facebook page, Colly Counselling Services & Consultancy through which appointments are made. Persons can also email iamkerese@gmail.com. Appointments can be kept either online via Skype or WhatsApp or at a venue that is mutually agreeable.
Apart from the counselling, Collins also does training for groups and institutions. And even though her life can get very busy, she is very conscious of self-care. She ensures that she also has someone to talk to and that is a colleague who lives overseas; they have a specific day when they talk. “My life is not perfect, and I always advocate that every therapist needs a therapist,” Collins said.
For her, the country needs a lot of healing if it is going to move forward and she is fearful that while the prospect of oil will change its Gross Domestic Product, this might not filter down to the ordinary person and this could produce greater mental health challenges as people may feel they are being treated unfairly and create problems in families. “Greater levels of depression, frustration and anxiety and just the whole host of things that we just cannot [deal with],” she said. She is concerned that enough is not being done to prepare for all aspects of what could come out of the oil boom.
She is also fearful of the environmental fallout that may come because of oil production.
