There are the downright angry, explosive people. You know the types—you see them hurling expletives or smashing their fists into the wall. There are also the types of people who are angry but who choose not to “show” it in the same way as their explosive counterparts would. These types of people are usually referred to as being implosive or passive aggressive. Passive-aggressive people are usually harder to identify, mostly because they show their aggression in a passive and subtle way.
You may have that colleague at work who makes “smart jokes” or that roommate who leaves you a little note about the dishes you left in the sink the night before. The passive-aggressive types will usually avoid direct confrontation and instead find ways of subtly sabotaging their enemies.
In an extreme example, a passive-aggressive wife may put up with her husband’s insults and choose to slowly poison him by contaminating his food or drink instead of confronting him directly! A less extreme example of passive aggression would be that co-worker you work closely with who always leaves his part of the report incomplete. You might ask if he really is passive-aggressive or just absentminded. You might never know and as previously highlighted passive aggression is harder to detect because it is usually very subtle and discreet.
The point of the passive-aggressive behaviour is to avoid the discovery of the aggression so that if you confront such a type, they will more than likely find ways of dismissing your concerns as ludicrous, while secretly and quietly enjoying the fact that they have managed to upset you. Where some people may be aware of their passive-aggressive nature, others may actually be unaware of it, meaning that they are not conscious of their actions.
It can indeed be hard to deal with someone who is passive aggressive. If you realise that you might fit the label and think that your attitude and actions might be hurting someone close to you, then perhaps the time has come for you to open up to that person, or even to a professional.
Aggression should not be condoned in any form, whether blatant or subtle, since it can hurt those around us. The point here is that we should learn to find healthy ways of opening up and communicating with the people around us about the things that displease us. Remember, the first steps of the journey are acceptance and a willingness to change for the better.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist at the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation’s Psychiatric Department. You can send questions or comments to her at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com
