On her inner left forearm, American teenager Margaret Koukos carries a comforting Biblical line, tattooed in curling, cursive script, “Love never fails…”
Taken from Corinthians 1, the popular verse pronounces in the new international version of the Testament, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…” It was the Apostle Paul’s eloquent, early epistle to the Christian community in Corinth, the ancient Greek city state.
Born on May 27, 2002, in Illinois, Chicago, Margaret has decided to go public in a quest to find her biological parents with Trinidadian and Guyanese heritage, asking that her full name and details be used. She is among my more than 200 new relatives identified by a private genomic testing company through analysis of DNA, or deoxyribonucleic acid, the hereditary material in every cell that characterises each of us. We share geographic and genetic roots in the Mahaica area, as third cousins, having mutual ancestors, among them a set of great, great grandparents.
Adopted as a chubby-cheeked baby when she was three days old by general contractor, the cheerful Chris Koukos and his excited wife Lisa, from Highland Park, a suburban city in Lake County, Margaret grew up an only child, “a bit lonely,” but she most enjoyed vacations with her extended close-knit clan in Florida and Hawaii. Dad’s parents are German and Greek with great genes, who actively work out as lithe octogenarians, while her mom’s descend from Irish Catholics.
“I have known I have been adopted since about 6th grade when I was 13 years old” she said in an online interview. “When I first actually figured out what being ‘adopted,’ meant it made me question the other, ‘half’ of me. I was unsure of it and it sparked the wonders and thought of my biological mom.” Her parents would divorce a year later, with Lisa dying in February this year, aged 58, after a long illness, a “surreal” time.
Margaret confessed, “My worst memories were probably after my mom got sick as things were extremely stressful before she passed away.” True to Apostle Paul’s teachings, her father Chris, a skilled carpenter, with whom she lives, is “extremely supportive” and she remains close to the rest of the family including her grandparents and maternal aunts.
Pursuing her love for yoga following health and other challenges, Margaret found meditation and exercise helped calm her anxiety brought on by experiences of being bullied at school. Through the free 12-week #AloGives training programme to motivate movement and mindfulness, children develop coping skills to amplify the positive and focus on learning.
Last July, “I was featured in the American version of Oxygen Health and Fitness Magazine for my weight loss story. When I was in my early teen years and middle school, I had bad anxiety and depression. It led to emotional eating and I gained a lot of weight,” she explained.
“In 2017, my trainer pushed me to try a yoga class” and “it turned out to be the greatest decision I ever made,” she posted, along with photographs hugging her adopted puppy, Sadie.
Still there is a sense of something short. “We know a bit about my birth mom, Nicole, but nothing of my birth father.” Required to submit a bit about herself for the prospective parents, Nicole disclosed her first name and that she was born in Trinidad and Tobago. “She was approximately 20 when she had me. She was studying computer engineering in college when she got pregnant” and lived in Canada then Chicago. Nicole’s surname may have been Singh and she may have tried to hide her pregnancy from her ultra conservative relatives, her daughter believes, acknowledging that all this may prove “a massive shock.”
From the sheet Nicole completed, Margaret learnt her physical description and hobbies of cooking, writing, music and computers. “I have all of the same interests as well” the teenager added, “Her birthday was November 29th and from what the adoption papers say we should look almost identical…she should be about 37 now.”
Her always-caring Dad, Chris approved her recent move to seek answers through DNA testing. Desperate, Margaret inflated her recorded age by two years. While she has narrowed down distant relatives including second and third cousins, the two closest biological links remain elusive.
“Taking this journey one step at a time” the student pointed out, “My dad has been a great father for sure. I appreciate that growing up, he gave me a lot of freedom to learn on my own and have my own experiences.”
Margaret stressed, “He is very supportive of this adoptive journey of mine. And I think he does understand that it is hard for me not having a mom because I never knew my real mom and now my adopted mom (has passed)…I have a lot of great female figures in my life but it never really equivalates to the idea of having someone be your mom.”
“I am grateful that he is my parent because in the last seventeen years which have not exactly been easy, he has always been there no matter how good or how bad and he has never left my side and that is a forever blessing for me.” Scanning faces in public, there are times Margaret wonders whether someone, “I’ve seen would be her or related to her.” “Adoption has been a piece of my life that always feels like an emotional mystery that is sometimes too complex to deal with,” she told me, penning a special note for Nicole.
“Wherever you are in the world, I want you to know that I am actually grateful for your decision to put me up for adoption. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason and we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. It is clear that you wanted me to have a better life than probably the one you could have given me and I can most definitely say I have had the greatest life possible and continue to. I want to meet you because I want to know you, and I guess the other half of my life that are my genuine, roots.”
She writes, “If I am to meet you or find you, I don’t ask that you stay or become a part of my life. If you want to, I am open to that. But just simply meeting once or even seeing a picture or a phone call would make me happy. Ever since I could comprehend that I was adopted…I’ve wondered about you every day. I have grown up for the last several years feeling like a piece of me is missing.”
“You have may have started a new life with somebody else, or maybe have more children of your own and I am completely accepting and loving of that. If I don’t ever get a chance to find you or meet you, knowing I tried will always be enough for me…I say thank you for choosing to let go of me 17 years ago. I am sure it couldn’t have been easy; I personally couldn’t imagine it.”
Yet, “I know you are brave and strong and courageous like me. And thanks to those qualities I’ve had the greatest life possible. I have (had) two loving parents, a great family, great friends in a great community and a lifetime of memories. And I only hope that you can become one of those memories too.”
ID repeats, Love “keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
