There are times when we become extremely stressed out by life’s troubles and we find it hard to keep a good attitude. We lose our patience, we lose our cool and, in a matter of seconds, we find that we are screaming at the top of our lungs at our spouse, child, co-worker or the random driver on the road.
So what causes us to lose our cool? A variety of factors that are social/environmental and psychological. There may be things about our social environment that bother us… like the messy spouse who can never keep the place as tidy as you do, the child who is always throwing tantrums, the not so helpful co-worker, or the extremely inconsiderate driver on the road.
The truth is that we are human and being human makes us far from perfect, which means that inasmuch as people will do what we perceive to be dumb things, we will also react in a way that others might perceive as explosive.
Because we are designed differently, no one person will react the same way to a stressful situation, and patience is an art to be mastered. So how does one begin to train one’s self to master this art? We can first start by doing some introspection and reflecting on the things that might be stressing us out. We have to be able to identify whether these stressors are more internal or external. Simply put, ask yourself: Are there things about me that make me react in a certain way, or is my environment really taking a toll on my nerves?
Most times we will find that the way we react to certain situations has more to do with our personal feelings and attitudes than external influences. We must remind ourselves that we cannot and will not ever have control over other people or the things that they do but rather we have control over ourselves and our reaction to situations.
If you are unhappy with the way in which your spouse or children are acting and you feel like you have had to repeat yourself a million times, perhaps it’s time to take a different approach because obviously the current one isn’t proving effective. Take a step back and ask yourself if you might be demanding in the way you ask for things to be done. Maybe you can be more actively involved and instead of instructing you can also assist. This way you are showing how you like things done without barking out demands.
So your co-worker doesn’t understand the meaning of team work but have you stopped to think that maybe he’s always worked by himself? Many times assuming things about others is what usually makes way for a bad start. Take the time to get to know the person with whom you’re working. A nonjudgmental approach means you are paving the way for a good working relationship. If the person still isn’t cooperating, put pride aside, and in a nice way make suggestions on the effectiveness of working together.
Stop to think that the crazy driver on the road might have had a bad night. Or maybe they are late for an appointment? This in no way is excusing their uncourteous behaviour but reminding ourselves that a person might be going through a certain situation will make us less quick to judge. Remember, making yourself angry and worked up will only affect you, not the other person.
These are just a few examples but mastering the art of patience is extremely helpful in maintaining our relationship with others as well as our own sanity. So what’s the takeaway from this? Stressful and annoying situations will always present themselves and there’s nothing we can do about that but maintaining a good attitude and keeping it cool will always be a winner.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist at the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation’s Psychiatric Department. You can send questions or comments to her at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com
