Sex is one of the most taboo subjects in our society and because we are often so squeamish about it, as adults we may find ourselves eventually faced with the “awkward” or “uncomfortable” reality of having to speak with our teenage children about sex and sexuality.
This unfortunate fate could be due to the fact that many of our parents never openly broached the subject with us and so we have no real idea of how to do it ourselves.
However, living in the 21st century, with access to technology and particularly the internet, we soon come to realise that if we don’t get past the “awkwardness” of talking about sex with our kids, we might be doing them more harm than good.
Teenagers are more exposed to sexual content than ever before. They hear about it from their friends in school and they see it on social media, and of course in movies and music videos sex still plays a dominant role. And whether we want to accept it or not, our kids will grow up just as we did and will have sex. It is therefore better for them to get some advice beforehand from their parents about what sex and sexuality entail as well as about the consequences of sexual activity.
You first need to have an established open communication relationship with your child, otherwise jumping into the “sex talk” will seem more than awkward. You can then start the conversation talking about adolescence and about hormones and peer pressure. Let your child know that you know there will come a time when they will want to engage in sexual activity and that if/when they do they should be aware of everything, like protecting themselves against pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases (STDs).
Think of it like a biology class; that way you don’t have to feel embarrassed or make your teenager feel awkward. Be firm with your concerns about pregnancy and STDs but also balanced and non-judgmental if your child asks you questions about self-discovery or reveals that they are sexually active. As a parent it is always better to be in the loop in every aspect of your child’s life as opposed to being out of it.
Inasmuch as sexual education should play a significant role in the biology curriculum from ages 11 to 16, we cannot solely rely on this in hopes that our children will know all they need to know. Teaching starts in the home and once we begin to educate our children about what the world looks like out there and prepare them with the tools to confront everything life throws at them, they will be in a better position to handle themselves in a responsible way.
Remember, we cannot expect that our children will live in a bubble and not ever think about sex. We need to swallow our pride and talk about the good, bad and ugly that is sex. As parents, we can hope that they wait until they meet a significant other before engaging in sexual activity but at least they will be equipped with all the knowledge they need if they do decide to take the big step before!
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist at the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation’s Psychiatric Department. You can send questions or comments to her at [email protected]
