They say the only thing constant is change but being stuck in a rhythm feels so comfortable and safe. Perhaps this is why change is always seen as something to resist and met with scrutiny.
A routine or stable friendships means that there are no unfortunate surprises or hiccups, or at least for the most part. Wanting to save yourself from the unnecessary trouble or disappointment is human nature. However, as I get older, change seems more and more inevitable.
Families expand, friends grow distant, living locations become dependent on job markets, and old habits expire somehow. There is a constant struggle between wanting things to remain the same and curiosity buzzing like a bee with the anxiousness of new beginnings.
I consider myself very resilient to change as it relates to working and managing a home. I easily learn to love a new routine even if it’s temporary. The only change I find difficult to manage is working to develop friendships. Starting a friendship at 30 years old seems so weirdly odd. I think this is largely because there is so much pressure associated with maintaining friendships with significant time stamps even if they aren’t mutually beneficial.
For most of my life, I naïvely thought I would have maintained some friendships. They seemed so unbreakable, but like seasons and life itself, they were bound to change and evolve; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst.
In addition to this, I also matured and learned that different friendships have different roles. For instance, there would be friends you party with but not necessarily call at 6 am because you are having a panic attack and that is okay.
Early this week, a girl from my city messaged me on my Instagram account. I believe the algorithm shows suggestions to people nearby. She had responded to a post I had made and mentioned that we both frequent the same gym. We had a friendly exchange of words which concluded with her asking to be friends.
I personally don’t have the courage to be so random, but as I reflected on it I realised that the dynamics in how we communicate and manage relationships are constantly changing even if we feel as if we are the same people. We are developing new norms, new attitudes and like everything else, the ways we form friendships are different now. I met my really close friend, Joel, on Facebook about six years ago. I would have never thought that a simple digital connection would have yielded me so many critical life lessons but it did.
There is a strange bias when it comes to starting online relationships/friendships. They seem fragile, maybe because they are dependent on so many non-human factors to even be possible. I made plans to meet my new friend (in a public space of course) and chances are something may come of it. I think dealing with the unknown things that new relationships can bring can cause some amount of trepidation.
As we prepare to start a new decade shortly, we must be reminded that time is possibly one of the most precious things and how we use it will determine how well we enjoy the moments we have. Connect with who you want, or as the young folk say, ‘shoot your shot’. Build and invest in the friendships you value and most importantly remember change is inevitable and constant.
