Two years ago, he travelled miles to surprise one of his two daughters for her birthday, but the conditions under which he found his daughters living broke his heart and with the permission of their mom, he moved them to the city in the hope of giving them a better life.
That was in December 2017, and since then the man hit a difficult patch, which led to him and his daughters becoming almost homeless. As he attempted to navigate securing assistance, he concluded that ‘the system’ was not set up to support men.
He believes if he were a single mother, more would have been done for him. According to his “guardian angel” (his words) Sandra Khan, she has witnessed his downward spiral, which at times saw him to turn to alcohol for solace.
Stabroek Weekend spoke with Khan and this father, whose identity will remain unknown to protect his daughters, who are in school. During the conversation they shared the pain and frustration of a father who just wants to be able to provide for his two daughters.
“There is a section in society of [men] who are invisible and they need some visibility,” an obviously frustrated Khan said during the interview.
Referring to the father, whom she said she met through a mutual friend, Khan noted that he is not lazy and finds works wherever he can.
“But whenever he does not have money he is in a state of desperation and I don’t know where in Guyana people like this can get help. Poor people are in a desperate state. We are not doing social protection, we are doing prosecution. We need to address this issue and our politicians need to do more,” she stressed.
She is of the opinion that men are not being listened to as women are and this more often than not forces them into a corner. She singled out the Ministry of Social Protection and its Child Care and Protection Agency (CCPA) for special mention, detailing encounters with officials from these two agencies she fought to get some assistance for the man and his children.
Contacted, Director of the CCPA Ann Greene cautioned this writer that there should be some more investigation into the matter. She stated that the matter is now heading to the Family Court, which will make a determination as the mother of the children has indicated an interest in having the children returned to her custody.
In response to this, Khan pointed out that the children will not be afforded proper schooling, nor is the mother in a position to support the girls as she has other children.
‘Lopsided’
Greene said Khan wants to have it her way and is setting out how much support the agency should give to the man and his children. “How are we supposed to pay a rent of $75,000 for one person?” Greene asked.
She pointed out there are a lot of poor people who are in need of assistance “and because we have not helped him in the way she wants us to help him, we are the worst. We have to examine the case and do it in a proper way and right now it is going to be done through the court,” she added.
She said the agency is prepared to take the children into care but Khan baulked at the suggestion, saying that she is prepared to assist the man and his children as she does not believe institutional care is the best thing for the girls, who are excelling in school.
To Khan’s claim that agency officials have not listened to her or the father, Greene said persons only feel they are listened to when officials take their side and she stressed that she is a “man-oriented woman” as her father played a significant role in her life.
“When we don’t agree with people then we are the bad ones. We are no good because we cannot agree with some people,” she said. She added that she has to remain professional and not reveal further information on the case, but cautioned the story being given is a “lopsided one.”
Khan said the biggest issue is helping the man to get somewhere to live with his children. He has a fractured relationship with his mother, according to him, which led to him being evicted from the apartment he had shared with the girls in her building and for a period they were forced to live with Khan. They are now on their own and being supported with rent. Khan had hoped that the Ministry of Social Protection would have assisted in renovating a building owned by the man’s father so that they would have somewhere permanent to live. An estimate of $2 million for renovation of the building was presented to the ministry, but they were told that amount of money is not available.
“The struggle for these two children is worth it, I think the [Child Care] agency could have done more. We are not begging them, we just need a little, little push…,” she maintained.
“It is like if the world is against him, he is not perfect and we have to overlook certain things,” she added even as she said she also has sympathy for the children’s mother who also needs help.
A text message
The University of Guyana lecturer, explaining her involvement with the man and his children, said she was drawn to the girls when she met them in August 2017 while they were spending time with their father.
Months later, she received a text from the older child which bothered her and she convinced the child’s father to surprise the child for her birthday.
It was in December 2017 that they visited the interior location where the children lived and found them alone in the tent where they lived. Their mother had gone off into the backdam to work.
“It was just like four posts and a tarpaulin, no floor, no door nothing,” the father chimed in, describing the conditions under which he found his daughters.
Asked if at the time he was supporting the girls the man said his relatives residing overseas assisted the children since he did not have a steady job
The man said when he saw the conditions under which his daughters lived he was immediately concerned and after some interaction with relatives they removed the children from the tent into a hotel. The mother was informed and she came out of the backdam. After much discussion, which involved a Toshao, the mother, police and other concerned persons, a consensus was reached that it was in the best interests of the girls for them to be moved to Georgetown with their father.
Once in Georgetown, Khan said, they went to the CCPA with the girls and contact was made with the mother. Initially, the children were with Khan for a few months, and she was visited by child care officials. Khan and the father also shared some other disturbing details about the conditions under which the girls lived.
The girls were transferred to city schools and Khan said she was deeply involved in their lives, spending money to purchase school clothes and other items. They remained in her home until April 2018, when they moved in with their father in his small apartment in his mother’s building.
However, in April 2019 the man and his mother became embroiled in a dispute, which he claimed started when he complained about the noise coming from her tenants at the back of the house. Fuel was added when his mother contacted the mother of his children who later visited and a raging dispute ensued.
“My mother and me always having problem, I don’t know for what reason but I is she only son and we always having problem. She lie to the police and all and get me arrested and is like things just start getting to me…,” the man said.
Khan said she was forced to intervene as the children were being affected and she observed that the father was unable to cope and turned to alcohol.
“His mother paid for the girl’s mother to come out. She would not call to see how the children are doing but she comes out and the mother is telling her all kinds of things and the situation was not nice. There was a lot of cursing and the children were being told stories…,” she said.
In an effort to quell the situation she removed the man and the children from the home and later the children were returned to the apartment to spend time with their mother as it was felt that it was unfair not to allow them to bond with her.
‘Outing fires’
Confusion continued to reign and Khan said upon her suggestion they went to the CCPA in an effort to have the matter mediated. However, she claimed that while the man’s mother and the mother of his children were given hearings the same was not afforded to her nor the father. According to her, officials formed conclusions by just listening to the two women and she believes if the girls were not performing well in school or did not maintain that they were comfortable living with their father they would have been removed from his care. She said the girls are clear; they want an education and they do not want to return to the life they had in Mahdia. The older girl complained about being made to look after her younger siblings, which affected her schooling.
“Child Care is not about solving problems, they are about outing fires. They are looking to see if a father is sexually abusing the child and they would respond but the demand that I put on them was beyond them. I am asking them to mediate, they don’t have the capacity to do it,” Khan opined.
The children and their father remained with Khan for a few months after his mother evicted them from the apartment.
Khan said the CCPA failed the children and their father, but she said they would continue to fight because the children want their education.
“He is a father who is trying, welfare need to not just look into single mothers but single fathers and they don’t give them a chance,” she said.
The father is into painting and construction and as a result he is not always employed and sometimes he works and is not paid. Khan said she has encouraged him to even get a job as a security guard but it is not something he wants to do. She does not want to force him as this might add to his frustration and she is not sure if it might push him over the edge. She is hoping that he can find a stable job in construction which would better help him to provide for the girls.
“I just wanted the ministry to care enough and listen. He has had enough doors slammed in his face. I don’t believe the government is helping families who are in need, nobody is paying attention to the poor and hopeless people,” she lamented.
She also stressed that the child care agency is “deaf to the concerns of men, they are not supporting single men. The decisions they are making are not sound ones. They listened to two women, [went] to the schools and listened to the children but they have not heard anything he has to say. They have instead tried to prosecute him,” she claimed.
Asked what is her motive for coming public on the issue, Khan said that apart from trying to ensure that the two girls are allowed to be schooled in a stable environment, and a loving father is helped to support his children, she also wants to advocate for more support for the poor in Guyana.
“I am done with them [CCPA and the ministry]. I am paying his rent. He is feeling the frustration against the system in Guyana but I am going to continue to help them,” she said.
“I believe somebody in the ministry should have sat down with him and said let us train you… while you are getting counselling. They should have said we will provide support to help you to be a better person. But where is the love? Where is the support? We don’t have a systematic approach to helping poor in Guyana, I believe there needs to be a revamp of the Ministry of Social Protection, the modus operandi has to shift from reaction to action,” the woman said.
