I have never obsessively compared myself to other women. Since my teenage years, I have never been interested in conforming to the accepted beauty standards. When I was a child, society told me I was unattractive for having dark skin and kinky hair. As I grew older, gained knowledge, and studied my reflection, I realised that society had lied to me. Though they might not have seen my beauty, I saw it shining out of me and I loved myself. And the more I learned to love myself, the more I realised that there was love all around me. But though I am one who overcame the desire for lighter skin or straighter hair, there are many others who never did. Many Guyanese women are insecure about how they look – their weight, skin colour and hair – because society constantly reminds them that they are not the standard of beauty. Women try diets, bleach their skins, spend thousands on hair and makeup, to feel acceptance. And some simply do it for their own happiness.
It is unfortunate that these conversations must still be had. And what is even sadder is that some men are not quiet in announcing their preference for the woman who society deems as more attractive, while dismissing those who might not fit the criteria. Some women have low self-esteem, are desperate to change their appearance and even self-harm.
I had not thought much about the impact the influx of foreign women like Venezuelans could have on Guyanese women. A few years ago, I was part of a workshop where a group that represented sex workers revealed that Guyanese female sex workers were not seen as desirable as the Brazilians and Venezuelans, who were being sought after and even paid more for their services, especially in mining areas. Besides light skin and long hair, another reason apparently was that the foreign women were more adventurous and would fulfill any desire of their clients without fuss or scorn.
Therefore, it is important to think about the effect the foreign women might have on our society at large and how it could affect the Guyanese man and woman relationship. A few weeks ago, I listened in on a conversation where a few Guyanese men were comparing Guyanese women to Venezuelan women. They praised Venezuelan women and while I do not believe that their views represent the majority of Guyanese men, having heard of various stories where Guyanese men salivate when they encounter these women, I think that a number of Guyanese men do genuinely feel this way.
Beauty
They emphasised the beauty of the Venezuelan women. There were no unattractive Venezuelan women, according to these men. And while every woman is beautiful in their own way, the way these men compared the Venezuelan women to Guyanese women could lead to the conclusion that most Guyanese women are hideous and are only tolerated until Guyanese men could replace them with something ‘better’. Whether it is fetishisation, objectification or love, that they would actually believe that Venezuelan women are better and far more attractive that the average Guyanese woman would have never crossed my mind. But these men, as with the rest of society have been conditioned to believe that the Caucasoid standard of beauty is THE standard of beauty and the closer one resembles that, the more beautiful one is thought to be.
Submissiveness
These men also believed that Venezuelan women are more submissive. Apparently Guyanese women can be undesirable because we can be assertive and stubborn, and men must put in the work to gain our attention. We will not grovel at the feet of these men, who want to be treated like gods and kings while they disrespect us. We will participate in debates and demand respect. They think we scoff at Guyanese men but are quick to acknowledge and fall in love with foreign men or Guyanese men based overseas because often we want to migrate.
As I sat there and listened to these men praise Venezuelan women while debasing Guyanese women, they realised that I was silent and asked for my opinion. I refused to say much because I did not wish to debate these men. In that time, I had lost respect for them and thought they were ignorant. They who believed that because I was a Guyanese woman and one who would not allow a man to beat or control me, I was not as attractive as the Venezuelans. That conversation reinforced why I would not date most Guyanese men, who are simpleminded, unimaginative, disrespectful and unable to have intellectually stimulating conversations. And no, I am not one of those Guyanese women who love or prefer foreign men; even though these same men who were accusing Guyanese women of preferring foreign men were announcing their appreciation, admiration and love for Venezuelan women. They were having this conversation in the presence of Guyanese women with no thought about our feelings.
Mixed
These men concluded that in ten years the majority of the country would be a mixed. Guyana already has a large biracial population, but I suppose we Guyanese women would also have to form relationships with the Venezuelan or other foreign men seeing that the more the Venezuelan women come, the more we will lose our men, according to the reasoning of those men.
Conclusion
If I were not a confident woman who loved myself, that conversation could have left me feeling despondent. I was happy that I know intelligent and respectful Guyanese men who do not share the views of those men; who appreciate the diverse beauty of Guyanese women and love us.
To add insult to injury, when these men realised that they had offended the Guyanese women present, they decided to throw in a few compliments for Guyanese women. After all that lusting and praising Venezuelan women, apparently, we Guyanese women are still ‘good and the best’ and I wish I could write the other thing one said which revealed that most of them perhaps just fetishise women, but this is not my personal blog.
