I recently came across an article that highlighted a new trend called tradwife, short for traditional wife. It appears that there is a select group of women, who are supporting each other and who endorse the ideology that it is a woman’s role to remain in the home, be submissive to her husband (who gives her a monthly allowance), and live a virtuous life, which, they believe, feminists have robbed them of. According to their numerous support forums, being a tradwife sees a woman taking on the gentle work like household chores and cooking to ensure longevity of her marriage by removing small burdens from her husband.
To this I say, to each his own but if there is one thing I have realised since being married for almost five years and being housewife for 70 percent of the time, it is that housework is hard and gruelling work especially for someone like me who has OCD. For many, being a housewife or wanting to be one often gets pushed to the side as something only a dependent wife would want as she doesn’t have much professional prospects. It is often viewed as the last resort.
While I don’t agree with the values of the tradwife movement, because it sells a toxic and damaging reality, it is important to remember that even for those who choose to manage their home independently, it is indeed real work. It requires physical and mental effort. Double checking and fulfilling dietary requirements while scrubbing floors wouldn’t be frowned upon if you were a chef or janitor, so why is it that we look down on it when we choose to employ those same skills in our home?
I personally could not be a tradwife. I believe constantly catering to everyone else is toxic, especially when there is little or no recognition and it seem an expectation. I also believe sharing the workload helps your partner or family members to see it is no easy task and by extension a special appreciation is earned.
According to a study by the Örebro University in Sweden, couples who agreed to equally share the burden at work and home by both working part-time and spending equal time at home, taking on half of the household tasks and childcare, found that families where happier as a unit.
While some aspects of the tradwife life might sound idealistic to some, the benefit of sharing the burden of household tasks is healthier. I personally have used the following methods to help managing the load:
1) Find your spark – My husband isn’t great at too many household chores. He manages the recycling and to be honest that is mostly it. Last Christmas, however, under my supervision he helped me to clean all of my cupboards. There must be one thing your partner is good at it. Find it and let them stick to it
2) Relax the reins – While you might have had complete control managing the space, it is important to remember that if you entertain help you will have to accept modifications when doing things.
3) Be direct – Don’t expect that people will know how to magically do things the way you want them and stating what you want in a polite manner is not rude. It is practical.
